


The Brink

by LuvvYahBabe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adorable Remus Lupin, Alpha Remus Lupin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bullying, Chip on your shoulder, Fix-It of Sorts, I dont know who reader will choose? you pick, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Revenge, Snark, Stalking, calls lupin a pervert an absurd amount, calls snape an idiot, i didnt think this far ahead, making these up as I go, or maybe sirius, or remus, reader is an asshole who gets bit and hates the world, trash, voldie wants you to be a death eater for reasons that will be explained!, werewolf reader, will it be severus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 04:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17822177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuvvYahBabe/pseuds/LuvvYahBabe
Summary: After embarrassing Bellatrix Black during your first year of school, you were marked for death. Family killed, ostracized by your peers, tormented by her crew; you were waiting for the day you would join your parents into the ground after graduation. However, when you followed Snape into the whomping willow you were bitten by the beast. Now, calloused by the injustice you have suffered, you have a chance to get revenge on your tormenters.xxxxxBeware the snarky reader!





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first year!  
> Sorry about any grammar mistakes English isn't my first language I will be sure to fix them anytime!

You had a rather lovely upbringing, a mum, pop, and a grumpy fluff ball of a cat fittingly named Mrs. Grumps. Pop worked in the mines and mum was a nurse and even though they worked long hours you were spoiled with love. A lot more than the people on your block. Your neighborhood was tough, but you were protected and it taught you how to defend yourself.

Then you found out that you were a witch. Your family was so proud. You were so excited. Life was great.

Things changed after they died.

It happened because you made a mistake on your first day of school. You were just like the other first years, brimming with excitement and clutching your new wand tight to your chest as you boarded the train.

Every first-year you encountered shared your enthusiasm. You spent the whole time discussing future plans and having a nice (if shy) boy named Regulus brag all about his family’s house. Slytherin sounded so wonderful and important that you hoped you would be able to join him and his apparently influential family.

When placed onto the long line, after being mesmerized by the sheer grandiosity of the castle, you felt like you were in a dream. You couldn't wait to tell your parents, wanting so badly to share this great new world with them.

When your name was called and you walked to the talking hat, something you never would have imagined being feasible, you felt no fear. When it proudly called out Slytherin, it was as if nothing would ever go wrong. 

You never felt so special, so hopeful, so happy.

The reception from the upper classmates was noticeably more muted than the other houses as you ran to the table but that wasn’t too much cause for concern. It was probably due to the whole Slytherin motto of being cunning and ambitious, words you didn’t really comprehend but felt so proud to identify with. You wanted to sit next to Regulus but he was already surrounded scary-looking upperclassmen that you would become much too acquainted with. However, nothing could dampen your spirits as you quickly find your place next to the other wide-eyed first years.

When it was all settled you got to meet your future tormentors. Malfoy, who reminded you of the cruel neighborhood kids despite his cordial charm. Similarly, his already claimed future wife Narcissa gave an insincere smile to the new students, her beautiful doll-like face barley hiding her disinterest. Avery and Wilkes gave the students ‘friendly’ warnings. And finally, but most importantly in your tale, was Bellatrix. She was sitting beside Malfoy and his crowd of upperclassmen. She was a fifth-year who, while having a similar beautiful doll-like face to her younger sister, had a look in her eye and hardness in her smile that made her look a bit _intimidating_ , to say the least. You would quickly find out that the bint was as crazy as the wild mass of hair on her head.

That's when things shifted. The upper classmates questioned you all, one by one, under the guise of being a means of ‘to get to know’ each other. Malfoy leads it, all smooth charm in his pointed question on your upbringings. One by one you watched and understood that something was _off_. Students from wizarding families received smiles and half-bloods received a duller fair. Muggle-borns were met with outright dismissal. When it was your turn, you were the second one in your year to admit to muggle heritage. You didn’t know why that was the wrong answer but seeing the visible disdain from your peers, you felt unease in your belly. Bellatrix's beautiful face curdled as she wondered aloud how two ‘filthy mudbloods’ were ever allowed into the house, much to the loud amusement of your housemates. Your reaction was on instinct, back home you knew you had to act quickly when insulted in order to not be marked as weak and easy for the picking.

So, you punched her in her fat mouth.

The table became deadly silent.

The other houses chatted in the background, most of them oblivious to what occurred, however, it felt as if all you could hear was the bated breath of your peers.

You looked around for understanding, something was _wrong_. The older classmates looked on with either horror or thirsty anticipation. The other first-years quickly shared your apprehension, averting their eyes to their plates. A few students from Gryffindor, who you would later find out to your chagrin was led by Sirius Black, watched and laughed.

What was wrong?

You felt like crying, you felt like asking, but when you met the crazed eyes of Bellatrix starting with an intensity that still makes you shiver, you felt like hiding. It felt as if you were looking into the eyes of death itself claiming you as its next victim.

You realized you made a big mistake. What you didn’t realize at the time that it was a fatal one.

Then as quick as lightning, her face scrunched up with rage you didn’t know was possible as she _lunged_ at you. People took notice then, however, Malfoy was quick to collect the foaming witch, with a calm that didn't feel appropriate.

“Now, now Bella she doesn’t know her place yet” his voice was so smooth and sure. Even the perfect hair on his head remained in place.

You swallowed thickly, unable to really process what had occurred.

She was still reaching out for the kill but whatever Malfoy whispered in her ear made her pause. The smile she sent did _nothing_ to settle your nerves.

“No, not yet,” she agreed, her voice like jagged knives.

She spent the rest of the dinner fidgeting like it took all her efforts not to jam the fork in her hand into your eyes. Maybe, that was the case. Probably was.

No other first-year came out as a mudblood after that. No other first-year looked in your direction after that for quite some time. Regulus gave you a pitying glance before chatting with his family.

You spent the rest of the dinner staring at your plate holding back shameful tears and wanting to go home. Not understanding the gravity of what had occurred but wanting to go home. You decided that being a wizard wasn’t cracked up to be and you would rather deal with regular fistfights with your sane muggle peers than deal with these wackos.

That night was one of the scariest nights you could ever remember in your short 11 years of living. The threats, direct and indirect, you received startled you, to say the least. The upperclassmen watched you with hungry anticipation, taunting you as they gossiped amongst themselves about what your fate will be. And Bellatrix, Bellatrix’s cold fevered eyes never left your figure. It was as if she was breathing down your next from across the room.

The next morning you awoke needing to go to the medical wing. Pomfrey, an utter dear, tried to get you to confess to Slughorn who inflicted such advanced hexes on a first-year. However you kept your trap shut, you didn’t need any more ammunition against you.

When you found out about the roles of prefects that first night you thought maybe you could ask Malfoy and Kellgrave for help. She at least looked on with concern but Malfoy, he looked at you as if you were nothing more than roadkill, with fake politeness that made you grit your teeth in frustration.

The first-years were wary to approach you after that. Even your fellow roommates refused to speak more than a few words to you, afraid word would get out they were fraternizing with the enemy. The first day of school and you already had a target on your back. Bellatrix was out for blood and the other Slytherins followed by example. Snakes were loyal to other snakes but you weren’t a snake anymore. That was quick to figure out.

Slughorn acted sympathetically but did squat. The other professors took points away if they saw the torture. It was quite the topic of discussion, even the professors and Dumbledore knew about it when they talked to you, but you figured snitching would only exacerbate the problem. The other houses were wary to talk to you, thinking only a loon would attack Bellatrix like that.

That week barely anyone talked to you if not to threaten or hex you. The only ones who seemed to have any feeling of camaraderie with you were Sirius Black and a few Gryffindors who loudly congratulated you. Which of course caused you to go into the medical wing twice that day by Bellatrix’s wand.

You were a first-year, you didn’t know the true consequences of what would happen. You were shocked by the total ostracism from your house but figured you could suck it up. You did expect some retaliation and the hexes were something you were able to handle. Unaccustomed to, sure, but people responding to a hurt pride with violence was a common occurrence back home.

However, back at home, a split lip would just result in a fistfight.

Not your entire family being murdered.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTEXT:  
> There have been some changes to the house years of the characters.  
> When you start school, the Death Eaters and Voldermort are a lot farther ahead than in the novels at this point. They made their presence known and everyone is afraid of them. A troubling amount of students' families have already been killed by the Death Eaters. He is still recruiting but like everyone knows he is the big ol' baddie  
> During your first year:  
> \- Bellatrix/ Malfoy were in their fifth year at Hogwarts  
> \- Snape, the marauders, lily are second years  
> Now you are in your fifth year,  
> \- Bellatrix and Malfoy graduated during your third year  
> \- You are in your fifth year  
> \- Snape and the whole gang are sixth years
> 
> LONG STORY SHORT: Bella and her lot graduated and Snape and his lot are one year older ahhha sorry for making it more complicated!
> 
> I am taking a few liberties with this (as you can guess) I am sorry for muddling with the timeline but in this story, Snape follows Black into the willow in his sixth year. The seventh year will be the whole 'mudblood' fiasco and then so forth!
> 
> Sorry about that y'all hope it isn't too confusing!
> 
> Wow so this is my second time trying to write a fanfic. I promise to update my previous Draco story but this is a crack fic in my head that I wanted to get out or I would explode. I apologize for any grammar errors english isn't my first language but I am working on it! Let me know if you see any and I will be sure to fix it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is a lot of just summarizing about what happened after your family dies. Basically everyone is scared of you, you become sort of an asshole, and you make a side business of selling potions. Sorry for the exposition dump in this chapter and hopefully its somewhat in character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader is incredibly angry at the world so you will be harsh against the marauders. I apologize if it is very rushed I just wanted to get to the whole werewolf thing right away!

When you found out about your parent’s murder that first week, you learned that this new world was crueler than the one you came from. You weren’t able to see the bodies, it was decided they were too mangled up for your poor eyes. So they were buried into the ground, with Mrs. Grumps, and you were placed into the system.

The ministry pushed it under the rug. It was easy, disgustingly easy, to do so. Two muggles killed leaving an orphaned mudblood witch. It would be a tragic story if it wasn’t one of many.

Another victim in the long line of murders left by the Death Eaters. It might have made the first page if the Blacks weren't the ones who orchestrated it. Death Eaters or not, money was money.

You had no idea about the Death Eaters before this. No idea you arrived at Hogwarts during the time of heightened paranoia, casualties, and You-Know-Who. A time where you would be targeted for the blood in your veins.

So your family was left forgotten, the house burned down, not even a picture left to remember them it was as if they never existed. The orphanage they placed you in was far from your home, making the only person you knew who your loving folks and grumpy cat, you. The only reminders of their existence were their eyes and hair you would see in the mirror, and the crude drawing you immediately drew of you four that you kept under your pillow each night.

It was like your eyes opened up to the utter hypocrisy of the world after that.

Returning back to the castle after placing your mum and pop in the ground was a bizarre and confusing nightmare. You didn’t understand how something like that could happen. However, when you saw Bellatrix again at dinner reeking of self-satisfaction, it quickly snapped you out of your internal paralysis. Her smug smirk and proud admission made you wanted to punch her until you saw blood.

Despite already losing your whole world because of your fists, you were quick to make another mistake because next thing you knew, your hand was ensnared in her wild main. You didn't realize you were brutally shoving her face into the dining hall plates until they were prying you off. Last time, you merely split her lips with your little first-year fist. This time, when they managed to detach you away, screaming like the loon they all thought you were, it was hard to make out her face through the blood and glass.

 It was such a shame the potions were able to get rid of her scars.

Since then, were you officially marked off by everyone. Malfoy and the upper Slytherins looked down at you with derision, amused by Bellatrix's constant and never-ending torture. She had to become extra cruel and dangerous (if possible), her reputation was on the brink of collapse by a snot-nosed mudblood first-year. You would have been smothered in her sleep if her promises were to believed (which they were). Luckily you stumbled upon the room of requirements while hiding away during that year. It appeared in front of you while you were running away from Bellatrix and the gang. It quickly became the only place you ever felt safe again.

Everything short of the unspeakable was inflicted on castle grounds while Bellatrix was in school. Even though she would be graduating in two years' time she wanted you to _suffer_. Her assault was brutal and merciless as she did everything in her power to remind everyone why they should fear her. She succeeded.

The other houses were terrified to approach you after all that. Fear Bellatrix would kill off their family as a result of even speaking in your general direction. Fear Bellatrix would direct her unstoppable anger at them too.

It didn’t help that you had a nasty habit of fighting your future Slytherin bullies that first year with your fist and teeth. If it was Bellatrix and her inner circle you learned to just accept the taunts. However, the other housemates who wanted to prove their superiority learned, for the most part, to keep their lips quiet if they didn’t want a fist in their mouth.

The professors were worried for some time, but dead parents could only be excused for so long. And they didn't approve of your grieving methods, your fighting wasn't as sympathetic compared to the constant weeping and glassy eyes of the other Death Eater victims.

The headmaster gave his condolences with that insincere twinkle in his eyes but when he later wanted ‘talk’ about the fights you got with the other first years you saw his true agenda. Only being a sad victim would be accepted, too bad for him you were a slow learner.

However, despite your distrust, you told him about Bellatrix and the Death Eaters killing your family. That damn twinkle in his caring eyes manipulated you to do so. He made you feel hopeful with his flowery speech, about all he would do to help.

Nothing happened. Sure, he said he would do everything in his power to get justice, that he believed you, that you would be safe.

But Bellatrix was still in school, you still got tortured, you still had points taken away for the fights, and your family was still dead. After a while, Bellatrix and her stupid gang didn’t like the constant loss of house points so you learned another lesson.

You fought without getting caught.

You found out you had a knack for potions. Being in Slughorn's reluctant good graces due to your potion skills had some perks. Sure, he wouldn't help you with the torture by the other students and sure, he didn’t particularly like you, as you didn’t share the same profitable sunny disposition as the other talented mudblood brewer a year above you, but he unknowingly helped in other ways. Due to your dutiful practice, and out of pity to your fake tears, he would allow you to brew after class. It was easy enough then to swipe ingredients you couldn't find from strolls into the forest. Sneaking into the restricted section was a hard feat but eventually, after much patience, you found your opening, giving you access to so many wonderfully devious instructions. And with the room of requirements, you would be able to brew anything you needed. It took a lot of practice and botched batches but eventually, you were ready.

Fists and teeth were replaced with various potions that caused unfortunate symptoms to its drinkers.

That was your first two years at school. 

During that first summer, you were afraid she would off you too, but you found out that she came to enjoy the delicious cruelty of psychologically torturing you. You felt pitiful hope when you returned to school, that maybe, just maybe, it had finally blown over. That was shot to the dark when you came back to school and her welcome home present reminded you sure enough that she would never forget.

You felt so scared by it all that you confessed to Slughorn what he already knew, believing that he must be able to help you more than the headmaster seeing as he was head of the house and all. However all he did was have you, and an eerily sane acting Bellatrix, in the same room where she promised to keep her ‘playful roughhousing’ to a minimum. Your punishment for squealing was truly _savage._ When you returned from the medical wing after a week, Slughorn gave you an unhelpful concerned look and you learned to keep quiet.

It was bitter in your mouth.

After those two years, people were either too afraid of you or to be near you. You were a quiet presence no one wanted to acknowledge. The professors were confused by you. Discouraged to be sympathetic with your refusal to be a proper victim. You didn’t have any friends besides your potions, you didn’t even get to have your cat as Bellatrix killed him too.

You were lonely but you didn’t want to talk to them too. You were so annoyed by them. Jealous, sure, but mostly profoundly insulted by their ignorance. By their cowardice.

 However, that didn’t mean some people manage to gain your attention.

Joanna Rolly and Albert Yee were Hufflepuffs in your year who offered you their sympathies despite receiving a hex for doing so. Lily Evans, a Gryffindor a year above you who was as kind as she was beautiful, offered her condolences as well. You never had the opportunity to talk to her much, but hearing Slughorn compare you, another mudblood, to her made you feel a smidge of resentment towards her. But you recognize her kindness, even though you didn’t want it. Remus Lupin, in her same year, and his gang also offered their sympathies, too reckless to fear the reprimand. You didn’t care much for Potter or Pettigrew, recognizing bullies when you saw one, but you felt too much pity to hate Lupin. Being a werewolf was a tough gig.

That was easy enough to piece together seeing Lupin go with Pomfrey into the willow last year when you were returning from the forbidden forest. Even if his gang was annoying, you knew he was societally-weak and needed someone to protect him. Plus he also offered his sympathies with a chocolate bar which was appreciated. 

Sirius Black, in the same said gang, was confusing. He offered his sympathies both times and while he seemed horrified by his families actions, he was amused by you and frequently brought up your greatest mistake. Which, of course, would cause you to suffer more than usual from Bellatrix’s wrath. You resented it but couldn’t tell if he was an idiot or doing it maliciously. However, he shared Bellatrix's eyes and you were wary to trust anyone that crazy family. He was probably in on it, pretending to hate Bellatrix. Plus you saw how cruel he was to Snape. The same logic led you to resent Regulus, who acted so kind to you on the train and secretly sent you a short note of condolences. He would look at you sometimes, though he wasn't stupid enough to approach you. However, he did talk to you once last year asking for your services on a potion you knew he had access too. However, you knew the propensity for cruelty that runs in his family and quickly ran away.

Finally, there was Snape. He was an interesting figure. An idiot who thinks the Death Eaters would protect him when they hate his blood. Similar to Lupin, he was weak and in need of protection but seeking it from the wrong sort. However, at least Lupin was smart enough not to be involved with a group of murderers. But, you figured different circumstances and all that. You were in his debt as he would defend you against Bellatrix and her lot when he could without repercussion. Acting innocent when they were conveniently needed somewhere else. You recognized the actions for what it was. You will always be grateful after a particularly nasty encounter when she tried to use the cruciatus that the first month. She would too, damn the consequences, as Bellatrix was especially off the wire since the whole ‘plate’ incident. He was even the first to offer his sympathies in private as curt as it was. You idiotically messed up and thanked him in the common room later that day only for you to be snidely rebuked and receive a hex from Bellatrix. You didn't care too much though, knowing the risk your friendship posed wasn’t worth it.

You would defend him from the taunts from others, seeing such similarities in your fates. You did feel sympathy for the bloke, everybody knew that Potter and his gang could be as cruel as any Slytherin. Plus being a half-blood wasn’t too keen these days. However, that risk wasn’t worth it either. He had Evans and you had enough of a target on your back. But you remembered your upbringing, so in your own way, you tried to show your appreciation, slipping potions in Potter’s pumpkin juice after he was particularly cruel to Snape.

Snape once acknowledged it with a smile which was rewarded enough.

During this time you found yourself becoming angrier. Annoyed. Bitter.

The hopeful first-year you were became a shell of itself. You were so bitter and resentful to the world. Bellatrix and that whole stupid idiotic gang of followers with their pompous name and their self-important leader. Happy foolishly hopeful students. Hypocritical professors who did rat-arse about bullying between students.

You were full of so much rage and anger but stubbornly held on to the belief if you could suck it up it would be fine. That surely when Bellatrix left the threat would be gone as well. When Bellatrix graduated you thought maybe, just maybe you would get a respite. However, she was quick to ensure her presence would never leave as she enlisted the upper classmates to always remind you of your place. She sent you a cursed letter, one of many you would receive from her, promising that she would reunite you with your family when you graduated.

During that third year, returning to school and still suffering even without Bellatrix being there, you really did believe you would die. Her influence felt all-encompassing. That small childish part of you that held out a smidge of hope that maybe, just maybe, you would be able to escape the wizarding world and return back to the sane world of muggles and justice was gone. And in that absence, the desire to be angry and bitter seemed pointless as well. You began to see death as your only escape.

You became so _numb._ So cold. So indifferent to it all, you still fought other students but there was no urgency in you anymore to do so. No savage pleasure in seeing a victim’s head turn into a pumpkin. Maybe you were finally mourning, you never really had the chance to do so before seeing how you spent most of your time in the past in a state of constant paranoia for the next attack.

However, things changed when Jackson, a Slytherin whose head you turned into a said pumpkin with a spectacularly vile Pompion potion, offered to pay for your services. You were tempted to give him a black eye just to feel something but agreed because nothing else seemed to matter. But then more students took that opportunity to approach you. You began to receive a steady stream of customers for potions of all ranges and purposes, even offers to complete essays and homework for pay.

When you returned to the orphanage with more money you ever saw in your life, it felt like that stubborn childish hope had returned. You felt like you had a purpose, an opportunity. It was naive and foolish but it felt like for the first time you had the ability to do something in your life. You believed if you could earn enough money you would be able to pay for a new wonderfully boring muggle life in a country you couldn’t pronounce and where Bellatrix couldn’t find you.  

Which led you to this year, in which your life would change once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You gonna see the werewolf next chapter. Get pumped!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shrieking shack incident. Also known as, wow snape you dumb.

You were out on a stroll from the forbidden forest, managing to evade Hagrid when you saw them. The lanky figure you would recognize anywhere following Sirius into the Whomping Willow.

You paused before walking back to the castle shaking your head when you heard the howl. The implications made your blood go cold.

You _really_ didn't want to do what you were going to do. 

However, the more you thought of what would happen, your legs move without your permission. You didn’t want the Blacks to gain another victim and as much as you hated to admit sentimental weakness, you tolerated Snape enough that you didn’t want him to die.

So you went in, begrudgingly so, and almost died in the process. Watching Lupin and Pomfrey go into the Willow looked a lot easier when you were at a safe distance from the murderous branches. You muttered out your insults during this whole ordeal. How he was even sorted into Slytherin? What a complete and utter fool!

However, when you were inside the Willow, the barbs were caught in your throat as you were enveloped by the dark. You felt the blood leave your body. You shouted out their name but the all that came out was a feeble squeak.

 It was _dark._

 You remembered when Bellatrix locked you into that small closet for a day.

 No one could hear your screams then just as now.

 It was cold, suffocating, _alone_.

 In this musty enclosed space, you felt buried.

 Was this what your family feel?

 You could hear the sound of your haggard breath.

 Heart in your lungs you bit your lips to hold back screams.

 What was the dripping onto your neck?

 Why were the floors so wet?

 What crawled onto your legs?

 How do you get out?

 Who will find you?

 Wh-

 There was a growl.

 A low rumble that shook you to your core.

It brought you back into the present. Death was here at the end of the tunnel, you felt it as if it were breathing on the back of your neck.

Your hands squeezed giving ground as you violently shook your head and powered through.

You would not let Snape die.  

The growl was louder the more you crawled. Almost tangible in the tunnel.

You called out their name to no avail. It seemed like it got silenced under the intensifying call of the beast.

“Shit. shit. Shit. shit. SHIT”

Picking up your pace you finally found them. Sweating and wheezing you almost cried seeing the outline of the two still figures. Without thought you grabbed both dragging them away, not knowing or caring which was Snape.

You should have been a true Slytherin. You should have taken the time to notice your surroundings. Wonder why they were seemingly stuck in place. You should have never gone into this tunnel.

You didn’t see the looming body of the monster blocking entrance into the room until it was too late. It was poised to strike, a true predator taunting its prey.

However, due to your clumsy movements when you pushed them back you managed, to your utter disbelief, to fall onto your belly in clear view of the wolf.

The movement was what it was waiting for and before you knew what was happening you could feel teeth _sink_ into your back.

You didn’t register the pain at first. Maybe it was the adrenaline or the sheer shock of it all but for a moment all you could process was being lifted up and seeing the upside-down figures of Snape and Black.

The beast displayed you like you were a prize, taking a brief second to eye its next two prey. 

In those brief seconds, everything slowed down. You saw a buck come from nowhere. You saw their horrified faces. Your eyes met those of Severus Snape and in your delirium as the pain and the severity of your situation finally made itself present you could utter only one word.

“Idiot”

Then you _screamed._

You wished desperately to pass out. But fate seemed to hate you and you could feel _everything._ The tear of your flesh as the beast shook you in its maw. Refusing to let go despite the buck’s attack. The chunk of flesh hanging from your body as you were thrown recklessly into the corner.

Bones broke from the fall, you were on your side. Breathing was becoming impossible, Was that blood you coughed out? It was wet, hoarse, maybe your lungs came out.

It was hard to tell, to even see. Your vision was fading, you could blearily see the outline of the two creatures fighting. You could feel the vibration from their crashing. Hearing the viciousness of their assault.

However, the pain was at the forefront of your mind. You never felt something so enveloping. Why can’t you just pass out?

Who was crying?

Oh, it was you. You didn’t even know when you started sobbing. Heaving selfish gulps of air that wouldn’t return.

Blood oozed as you felt consciousness leaving softly.

Finally, finally, the pain was slipping away with your life.

Wheezing what you thought would be your last breath, you could feel death coming and was so pleased.

However, it stopped.

The sounds in the background turned into soft whispers, the awareness of your grossly twisted body was gone.

Where you dead?

The last thought you had was your family.

You felt profound happiness and let your eyes closed.

You were reunited with them for a brief painfully sweet moment.

Everything was as it should be.

You could see your mom’s lovely smile.

Hear your dad’s infectious laugh.

Feel your cat's soft fur.

They were around you, looking down at your pitiful state and reaching out for you. They loved you. They were back. They will protect you. They will guide you away from this torment. You were at home.

.

           .

                     .

                                   .

                               Fire.

                    Fire.

          Fire.

Fire.

You’re eyes shot open.

You’re small smile **_streeeeettccchhheeed_ ** wide, letting out an inhuman sound.

You were on fire.

You did not know pain before this.

In your veins, you could feel the excruciating toxin fill you. Leaving no part of your body untouched. It was possessive and unrelenting, wanting to own you. Remake you into its image.

Your body lurched into a graceful bow.

You were crying again, you recognized. Screaming once more, you recognized. You were not going to die, you recognized.

The unmerciful tyrant claimed you.

You wished you would die.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some fun here with the writing I hope it goes over okay!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up, then sleeping once more

When you opened your eyes you could tell you would finally stay awake. You remembered those brief moments of consciousness. Small flashes of what occurred after _that._

Being carried in strong arms. Darkness. Hearing shocked gasps. Darkness. Pain. Darkness. The smell of clean sheets from the medical wing. Darkness. Potions in your throat. Darkness. The familiar pain of bones cracking back into place. Darkness. Sunlight. Darkness. Murmuring. Darkness. Water. Darkness.

You blinked your crusty eyes. Wincing at the utter foul taste in your mouth. It took a moment to get used to your surroundings. To comprehend that you were not dead.

Bellatrix’s goons really did a doozy on you this time.

Lifting the medical garb you winced. Your whole middle was wrapped in bandages. You blearily admired the meticulous grace of Pomfrey’s steady hand.

Did she get someone to _stab_ you?

What happened?

You flinched at the sudden clutter beside you, not really listening to Madam Pomfrey’s familiar frittering. Distantly watching as she left in a hurry.

You felt different.

There was an ache in your bones that was anticipated, but you felt _off._ You were dead tired and tempted to go back to sleep but you felt the need to explore this change. What was different?

You felt a headache appear at the sudden onslaught on your senses.

You could smell _everything._ The smell of the bandages. The smell of the cool glass window. The soft smell of Pomfrey’s shampoo. The smallest and most delicious scents you never recognized before.

The pumping smell of blood inside Pomfrey's sweet veins. You could practically _taste_ it.

You paused.

That wasn’t normal. 

You heard footsteps. Looking around, you were confused.

You were all alone but you could hear footsteps as if the person was stomping right beside you. Looking at the entrance you were perplexed that you could hear the steps and chattering of Dumbledore, Pomfrey, Slughorn, and Hagrid quite a distance away. Each with a distinct unique smell. A delicious smell. You paled. The smell of their blood.

How could you hear them? How could you smell them? How - how.

You gasped, looking at your middle.

 _No._   

That wasn’t a horrible nightmare. That was real.

The musty tunnel. The two still figures. The gaping maw of the beast. The teeth sinking. The blood. The _pain._

no.

No.

NO.

You were dimly happy you were able to vomit on the side of the bed and not over your clean clothes.

Only water came out but it felt good to focus on that instead of-

No.

Looking up from your hunched over the state you bit your lips until you could taste sweet blood, seeing the horrified faces of your new company reflected the truth to you.

“I’m afraid dear there has been a terrible-”

Darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beware of the bitter, angsty, angry reader coming up!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional whiplash at its finest

Looking up from your hunched over the state you bit your lips until you could taste sweet blood. The horrified faces of your new company reflected the truth to you.

“I’m afraid dear there has been a terrible-”

The next time you awoke, you were ambushed by their faces. There was a sense of anxiety in the air, a hesitance as to how they should proceed.

“It’s true.”

You didn't recognize your voice. It sounded like nails. It felt like nails.

That annoying twinkle in Dumbledore’s eye was muted at least as he solemnly regarded you.

“Yes my dear it seems that you were attacked by a werewolf”

What happened after that was a blur. You hardly paid attention as Slughorn offered his sympathies, a look on his face of both wariness and exploitative interests. Pomfrey held back tears. Hagrid looked on grimly, talking of the help he will offer. And Dumbledore, the damn fool morosely promised a more thorough talk in his office when you were feeling better. His pitying gaze made you want to rip his eyes out. Why would he have a werewolf on school grounds? Why-?

You passed out, submitting yourself to the darkness so you wouldn’t have to think.

The next few days passed equally as distant. Slughorn coming in with saccharine insincere apologies. Marking your reactions with fascination. Pomfrey luckily kicked him out before you vomited in his face. Hagrid came in to discuss what would happen. Scheduling monthly appointments to drink tea and discuss your progress. Dumbledore came in again many times but you were able to feign sleep to ward off any talks. He left flowers by the bed stand that you ignored. Pomfrey, bless her, didn’t say anything relating to what happened. Just continued her treatment, chattering aimlessly as if she knew you did  _ not  _ want to talk about your new condition.

You were left to your lonesome while your body recovered, quarantined off to the end of the hospital wing, away from any gosping eyes. It wasn’t that much of a surprise that you didn’t receive any visitors. However you were shocked when towards the end of the week you heard Snape asking to see you. Pomfrey, the blessing she was, denied him entry.

You expected to feel the precipets of paranoia wondering what Bellatrix’s lackeys would tell her about your disappearance. Expected even to feel trivial concern about your grades. However, the numbness returned. The hopeless exhaustion sunk into your bones. You were so tired. So empty. Your dreams of escaping into the muggle world would never happen. That childish hope that seemed to stubbornly persist, was finally extinguished. 

It was all your fault. You never should have outed yourself as a witch when you were young. You should have never insulted Bellatrix. You should have never went into that tunnel.

You would never be able to have a future. You weren’t allowed. 

Three days later, after constant potions and nightmare-ridden sleep, something changed. You could smell  _ them.  _ Hear  _ them  _ outside the entrance, hoping to get in. There was a bizarre lurch in your gut recognizing another one of your kind that was something you did  _ not _ want to explore. However, suddenly the numbness vanished.

All you felt was an uncontrollable rage.

The rage that was simmering beneath the surface since Bellatrix admitted to your parent’s murder.  Rage at Bellatrix. Rage at the constant state of paranoia you were forced to live in. Rage at having to save Snape from Black. Rage at Dumbledore being so concerned for his precious Gryffindor that you would forever be a werewolf. Rage that you would never be able to escape the wizarding world. Rage at yourself.

You felt like you did when you smashed her face in. You wanted blood. You wanted revenge. You wanted-

You stopped at Pomfrey’s scream not realizing you were growling like the predator about to stake its prey.

Slapping your hand to your mouth, you collapsed back into the bed unable to process your reaction.

You were different. Stronger than before, despite the injuries.

Potions and fists were nothing now. You were  _ deadly. _

xxx 

She nervously left the chocolate on your bed. However, when she saw the blood oozing through your bandages, she quickly went to work. Nobly directing her fear into soft reprimands towards the Headmaster for telling the trio of your awakening. Telling you, him, or maybe herself that you weren’t ready.

You could smell her fear, and what a trip that is to know you can  _ smell  _ the fear on her body.  _ Enjoy  _ the sense of dominance.

It was dizzying, this sudden ray of emotions. The realization that you were a predator. That you were stuck like this. The severity of it all, of your life, came upon you at once.

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt her quickly wrap you into her arms. It felt like so long since you felt affection like this.

You felt the anguish at the loss of your family come to join the foray of emotions. The whiplash of it all made you  _ ache  _ as you wailed.

She mumbled sweet nothings and after much too long you felt yourself fall asleep. Gratefully gulping the potions and thanking her with sincerity you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Her tear-stained eyes met yours as you submitted into the darkness once more.

Xxxx

The next day you felt bizarrely jittery, maybe the pitiful crying session did you some good as you were confronted by the need to do  _ something. _ There was a restlessness in your body from being bedridden for so long. 

There was a longing in your body that you instinctively recognize as the pull of the moon.

The full moon was coming. 

An unfriendly reminder that you wouldn’t be able to retreat and become soft in Pomfrey’s motherly presence.

Sighing wearily, you paused catching the sweet scent of chocolate. Seeing the innocuous candy at your bedside made whiplash of rage enter your veins once more.

Violently chucking the chocolate across the room you found relief in this anger. It wasn’t the bitter taste of surrender. The cold numbness of depression. The soft light of hope. It was burning. All-encompassing, like the toxin in your veins. It controlled you. Allowed you to confront all that you hated without fear of death.

You  _ were  _ death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellos so i hope all this back and forth on your emotional state isnt too frustrating. You did get bit so I thought you would be going through sooooome turmoil


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has Dumbledore bashing however please note that reader is incredibly biased. From reader's perspective, Dumbledore is the worst. I do think he can be manipulative but Reader thinks he is like absolute worst. This will be confronted later on, but just know reader basically bashes everyone. You basically hate everyone. Maybe thats why you and snape get along so well ...

Pomfrey reluctantly allowed you to leave, your body was more than fine, albeit a little wary from the pull of the moon, and she couldn’t force you to stay.

Her hugs stung like forgotten memories.

She helped you to Dumbledore’s office, thankfully it was dead of night and you didn’t have to worry about confronting anyone.

The office was as welcoming at you remembered, a part of you hated how the room managed to embrace you like a blanket.

You met his warm twinkling eyes with a deep glare, Pomfrey squeezed your shoulders. You didn’t realize you had been growling.

The twinkle dimmed a bit, you were pleased to note, as he provided a concerned but hopeful smile.

There was a pause, you could feel the prickles of him assessing your entire being. What did he see in his pitying gaze? Weakness? 

Of whose design you mused? 

You bit back a snarl.

 

“I am glad to see you walking and awake” he smiled knowingly as if you were both in on a little secret. He gestured to the puffy chair babbling nonsense offering sweets, attempting to discuss your improvement and even commenting on the bloody weather.

Humming noncommittedly, you gave the hovering Pomfrey a reassuring smile as you morosely made it to the offered chair. Slinking into the cushions you stubbornly refused to acknowledge his attempts at small talk.

He frowned a bit at your refusal to engage in pleasantries, “yes, well I guess we shall get started. Poppy my dear, I believe we are all settled here”

“Oh well, I believe it would be best if I stay. To offer support” She walked determinedly putting a nurturing hand on your shoulder. The softness of her face becoming hard with her protective gaze.

He chuckled kindly, “she is perfectly safe I assure you. I will be sure she would return her to your excellent care in no time”

He was so slick, you thought distastefully.  So quick to know the words, tone, and look to make people trust his judgment.

You remembered the same look he gave you as he assured you all will be done for your family, but he lied. He lied then and he was lying now.

He managed to get Pomfrey to reluctantly agree, leaving with a stern gaze that managed to make Dumbledore shift in his seat.

The absence of her protective shield made your hackles go up immediately. You met his stare and felt a flood of resentment pour from you. 

The anger simmered. Bubbling. Brewing.

He was one of many who have hurt you.

You met his stare.

It will begin.

 

 --

 

He cleared his throat, breaking you from your montage of anger. “My dear I am so sorry for what has occurred.” He spoke gravely, his face never looking more ancient.

 

You bit back your response.

He continued giving you a sympathetic smile you didn’t return, “of course I understand your anger”

You scoffed.

“It is completely justified. However-” He sighed tiredly rubbing his eyes and setting his glasses on the table. You never saw his eyes like this before. It worried you. It seemed like it saw through your shield.

“I can see you are not in the mood for flowery words. You have been through a lot. Too much for someone of your age to bear and I will not patronize you my dear.”

He leaned forward, you couldn't break his stare if you tried.

“I will be frank in our conversation. You were attacked by a werewolf. Not many survive the bite and you should have never been placed in this predicament in the first place. I am truly sorry for the hardships that will follow. However, always remember that you will have mine and the school’s support and you will make it through this. _We_ will make it through this”

The more he talked, the more he managed to disarm you. Cooling your boiling anger until it was lukewarm.

He made you revert back into an idiot brat at your parent’s funeral. Too confused and scared of the world to be mad at it.

How was he able to do that? 

How foolish were you?

You felt yourself, the pathetic childish part of you, aching to just trust him. To just concede your fears unto him, to accept all the parental promise of safety in his eyes. His disposition was able to strike a longing in you to just be weak once more.

You found yourself wanting and trying to believe him.

Maybe this is why the world targeted you. It saw you as the naive scared child you were, willing to sacrifice your pride, everything, to be protected by someone else.

“However this is why you will have to keep this condition, everything, confidential. Severus has also agreed, knowing the life-threatening consequences our actions will have on Remus Lupin”

 

It was whiplash.

All of a sudden you reminded were you where. Who you talking to. What happened.

The ease at which you were willing to submit made you feel so betrayed. Half at the mockery of sympathy in front of you. A true manipulator, whose concern was not with you. The rest directed at yourself, for being so incredibly stupid despite _everything_.

The fact he was able to lower your defenses so easily, make you vulnerable so quickly, regress your progress so smoothly …

The anger was instantaneous.

You saw through it all. Snapped out that stupid daydream where you would have justice.

You wouldn’t get it from him.

He worried about his precious Gryffindors, not you.

No one cared enough for you to protect you.

He wouldn’t be your justice.

You would be justice.

“-Move forward towards-”

“What will happen to Snape?”

“-Pardon?”

You caught him off guard.

Good.

“What happens to Snape?”

The hardness of your voice surprised him, in the past, you were too weak to even speak more than a few stuttering sentences.

“Snape is recovering. He is fine now. The shock-”

“Don’t condescend me, professor, we are not doing that right? what happened to him?”

“Well small house points had to be taken-”

“Black lured him in.”

“Sirius has been dealt with severely-”

“Is he expelled?”

“No, that wouldn't be wise. He has a troubled home, he needs Hogwarts even though-”

“He tried to kill Snape”

“Black may be foolish. Reckless. Even cruel at times but not a murderer”

“Are you sure? It runs in the family”

He paused, assessing you once more. He still gave off the demeanor of concern, but you could see the twinkle. How he was trying to determine the best way to move forward to get you to see his way. To agree. You were only a chess piece for him.

You would ply chess.

“He has been given a years worth of detention, house points taken away, and the guilt he will have to deal with-”

You didn’t hold back your bitter laugh.

“Guilt? Don’t see me as a fool. I have been through a lot remember. I am not an idiot. You will not manipulate-”

“There is no manipulation my dear I am merely looking at this unbiased-”

 “I AM A BEAST!”

The snarl was unnatural. The damned fool kept his calm but the air changed.

You will make him break his mask.

“Black almost murdered Snape. I had to rescue him. I got bit. I survived. I will have to deal with this ‘hardship’” you spat.

“Even if you don’t sympathise with Sirius’ condition you have to realize that if he was expelled Lupin's condition would come to light. He would be registered and forced off school property and killed. He is innocent-”

“He attacked me! He shouldn’t even be here! You care so much for your Gryffindors but when your Slytherin student gets turned into a monster for life you expect me to lay on my belly and submit. He should be registered! You messed up!”

“He was a child when he was bit dear. He had no choice. He is a victim like you, he deserved a future. Black’s action, as reprimindable as it is, shouldn’t affect him”

You paused at this new information, assuming Lupin got turned the year you found him. You looked at the seemingly kind wizard in front of you. Even now he was able to twist you. Manipulate you.

You hated him.

“I deserve a future!” Your fists slammed on the table, the phoenix squawked in alarm. The paintings of previous headmasters chattered fearfully amongst themselves.

“Why does his life matter more than mine? Than Snape? Why is it only some people get to be protected?”

The look of utter pity he gave you made you want to rip out his twinkling eyes and _devour_ it.

You could smell his blood. Hear it in his veins. You wanted it in your mouth.

“I am sorry dear. This should have been prevented. I did fail you and I can tell you're upset, you have every right to be so you have had-”

“Stop.”

You had to breathe. This was too much. The anger. The blood. You didn’t know what to do.

“What do you want me to do Dumbledore?”

“Dear?”

“I don’t need any more manipulation. Cut to the chase.”

You couldn’t trust the remorse in his eyes. It seemed too real, it made you despise him more. Even now when you were leaving it bare, he couldn’t just let the act go.

“Dear, I am not trying to condescend. I am truly regretful that my actions do not reflect that and I am worried for you and I do care. However, sadly and unfairly there are other lives at stake here that we must think of. Remus would be executed.”

“Good! Put that mutt down for what it did to me” the snarl emphasized your point much to your disdain. His eyes briefly looked at your slobbering mouth.

“Snape understood” he attempted, “he agreed-”

“Agreed? Agreed that just because he was stupid enough to fall victim to bullying he deserved to almost get killed or worse? Agreed to be punished the same way as Black?”

“The house points were in no way the same amount as Sirius’. It was merely protocol, he broke curfew, my dear.”

“Protocol would be to have Lupin be registered. Not be here in the first place. But I guess we get to pick and choose the proper course of action for whose more important huh?”

 Good. Let him sigh. Let him be tired.

 "Dear-”

“I want Snape here.”

“What?”

“Well, I want him here. This concerns him too doesn't it?  We are here because it's his fault right?”

“No. Of course, it isn’t”

“But he broke curfew. He got properly punished for that. Almost killed and reprimanded for it too. If it isn’t his fault than whose is it?”

“It seems you have decided the answer to that already”

The sober look made you smile.

“Yes I have” you barked a laugh, “I want to hear from him what he idiocracy he agreed too. I mean if you want me to follow suit I want to hear it from him or I leave and I get registered. And we both know what will happen to dear Lupin when that happens”

The tension in the room was suffocating. His stare was unfathomable. But still so infuriating calm. You hated him for it. You hated him. Hated him. Hated him. Hated him. Hated him.

“I understand dear.”

You felt pathetically powerful for that small victory, not holding back your smirk as the Professor called for an elf to bring Snape with the utmost haste.

The loud pop of the elf almost made you flinch but you were dedicated not to back down from the silent lockdown with the Headmaster. He frowned regretfully, “I implore you to understand.”

“I’m not talking until Snape arrives.” You muttered hoping the petulance in your tone was more intimidating than it sounded in your ears.

He sighed, you needed to take count of how many times the fool did so.

The wait was _tense_ , you had to admit his unbreakable calm did make you feel the tendrils of self-consciousness enter you.

 

Thankfully the sudden arrival of the gloomy albeit rustled Slytherin in his nightclothes and unkempt hair reminded you of your position.

You could see behind Snape’s sotic mask as he looked around, trying to evaluate what was going on. When he found you, squished into the chair you saw his obsidian eyes widen. Heard the sharp intake of air. You could practically _taste_ his smokey blood pump more rapidly.

“Come in, dear boy. Do take a seat I apologize for waking you up but well” the old man glanced at you and you smiled back meanly, “it was advised that your presence would be required in this discussion”

“Yes, Snape. It is required seeing as the Headmaster here would like me to follow your lead”

You could practically smell the apprehension on Snape behind his apathetic facade. 

The lanky figure walked smoothly to the chair beside you, poised with a grace that you admired.

“I admit, I am confused” he questioned smoothly.

“Oh well let me enlighten you Snape. Dumbledore informed me that you agreed to keep your lips shut to protect our dear friends in Gryffindor”

You enjoyed the sudden scowl that appeared on Snape’s face at their mention.

Nodding your head cheerfully you grinned at his apprehension, “I agree. I think that is hogwash! Utterly cruel and well I think you should change your mind”

“Wait-”

“No Headmaster, he almost died because of them. I got turned because of them. I think,” you turned your body to the silent Slytherin trying to lock his gaze, “we should both go to the ministry or better yet the prophet and the ministry and inform them of this tragic incident. I mean it would be following ‘protocol’ right?” You felt immense satisfaction with the mean smirk you sent the Headmaster’s way. You hope he understood how garbage his excuse was.

Snape looked at you as if you had grown two heads, rolling your eyes at his lack of help you turned to the Headmaster.

“We are both victims in this. We demand justice”

“Now we both know what would happen if word gets out”

Dumbledore looked at you disapprovingly.

Ah, so he wasn’t that sympathetic was he.

“It would be the right course of action, the minister would most certainly agree. Are you _that_ concerned about your position to go against the wise law of the ministry? Do you really think you deserve it? If I let you stay as headmaster it would just give you another chance to endanger the welfare of your students. I mean to be perfectly honest you did a pretty crappy job at headmaster. A student _did_ get attacked by a werewolf under your watch.”

You could hear the sputter of Snape beside you. 

“You and I both know that it would be cruel to subject Lupin to die because of your dislike of me” his tone was firm. His face stern.

He wasn’t going to play coy anymore it seems.

“Do we?” you asked looking at Snape who still had that dumb look of confusion on his face. You sighed at the hopeless case, missing his beauty sleep really knocked him off his game.

“You wouldn’t let another student die. An innocent one at that” he implored. If you were kind you would think he was being sincere in his desperation.

You were not.

“He isn’t innocent according to the law” you trained off staring at your nails, shrugging your shoulders, “my hands are tired, dear” you chirped.

“This isn’t a joke. What you are suggesting is-”

“Not what you wanted? Hmm I’m sorry about that. But life isn’t all it's cracked up to be.”

“What do you want?” Dumbledore asked suddenly, his eyes were unreadable. He was trying for a new angle. Good. He was getting the idea.

You stretched back into your chair, cracking your knuckles as you folded your arms behind your head.

“The way I see it you owe me three favors for the three lives I save with my decision,” you counted your fingers, “The first being Remus for obvious reasons. The second Black who wouldn’t have to return home knowing he got his dear friend put down. Boohoo for him I mean how horrid it would be to go back to a family” you spat on the floor before smiling back at Dumbledore,  “and finally, you”

He looked as if he swallowed a handful of those lemon drops he’s always prattling on about, it seems he wasn’t happy with the course of this conversation. 

Good.

You looked at Snape, who finally stopped looking like a puzzled Hufflepuff as he studied you intensely. Snape never looked at you with such focus before. It was uncomfortable and not helpful, to say the least.

“Snape, with all that in mind, don’t you think the Headmaster should hm, I don’t know maybe offer us something in exchange for our heroic decision to remain quiet”

He remained quiet, what a bore. Tutting you looked at the headmaster, meeting his stony glare with a saccharine smile.

“Snape will not agree” his confident tone made you growl.

“Why don’t you let the bloke speak for himself seeing as it's his decision” You looked at the Slytherin.

Said Slytherin was still silent, much to your annoyance. You were on a roll, couldn't he cut this whole stoic schict for a moment?

Waving your hands impatiently in his face you waited, not hiding your rolling eyes.

“I cannot” the student whispered so lowly you almost missed it.

You paused before exclaiming a curse.

“Oh come off it Snape. Don’t be a bloody Gryffindor and think! This man” you pointed at the headmaster, “endangered you. Almost had you killed! And he blamed you” you whispered harshly, “he let your tormentors go scot-free. Let a wolf on campus because it was Gryffindor. Let Black get away with murder because he was a Gryffindor. All those years of their bullying. The names, the hexes, the injuries you suffered were ignored because you are not seen as an equal. They get house points while you get your accomplishments dismissed. They choose to be ignorant while you” you grabbed his shoulders pressing your face close staring at the depths of his dilated eyes, “suffered in silence. No one in your corner. Always unprotected. And when Black in his most heinous crime yet tried to _kill_ you. This Headmaster had the gall to manipulate _you_ into feeling guilty. After everything he did and chose not to do for you as his student. Those marauders tormented you for so long. Hated you for being a Slytherin. For daring to be bold enough to be friends with Evans, someone they think you don’t deserve. And Dumbledore is trying to make you feel responsible for Black’s crime. Make you feel the need to protect those arse-hats Marauders.”

You were out of breath. Dumbledore was talking but you couldn’t hear anything. You were locked in your stare with Snape. The dark pits of his eyes fiercely meeting yours. You didn't realize you were holding his face until now.

“ I _see_ you, Snape. I see what you go through. I know your pain. Your silence. This is your chance to get back at them. At the world. At any one whoever made you feel like you’re dirt. So tell me. Please. What. Do. You. Want.”

Time stopped. You could count his eyelashes. Note the shades of grey in his eyes. Follow the curve on his nose. Smell the blood rushing to his cheeks. Feel his breath on your lips.

“I can’t”

His voice was so hoarse. So broken. So regretful. You almost didn’t hear it despite your senses and the distance. He closed his eyes, you could feel his shame.

“Why?” you whispered, so utterly confused. Where you wrong? Why didn’t he see it? Where you crazy?

No. 

You weren’t you had the marks on your back to prove it. You could feel the toxin in your veins to prove it. You could prove it.

“The unbreakable vow” He muttered, answering your unvoiced question. The humiliation so visible in his voice stung you.

You blinked, dropping his face scalded.

Snape bowed his head, letting his inky hair hide his face as you turned to Dumbledore, still talking as if he could manipulate this away.

“What’s wrong with you?” you couldn’t hide your abject horror.

Dumbledore didn’t even have the common decency to wince.

“I know it seems cruel however Severus understood the need for such measures. He knew that because of the circumstance-”

“He’s a child! You’re the headmaster! Did you force him into silence with the unbreakable vow? He could die!”

“I did not want to however the situation called for it. Severus understood and agreed to the terms as did Black, Potter, and Lupin” He sounded so steadfast in his convictions, unwilling to see the cruelty in his actions.

You saw blood. You wanted to drink his blood. You wanted to-

“Why did you agree Snape?” you looked at the Slytherin and felt such pity for the student. It must be torture to have to be silent when you would have the best chance to finally get justice, prove to the world that it was wrong. Your dignity hurt for him.

“Me and the Professor understood, that due to the circumstances, my talking would cause the death of a fellow student. That, and it would be grounds for expulsion”

The pure venom in his tone made a part of you relieved to know the poor boy wasn’t completely broken. That he was still capable of righteous anger, you felt the cutting betrayal as if you did the vow.

“Severus understands-" 

“Yes, he understands what his place is in your eyes. I understand my place too now.”

The bitterness and resentment radiating off of Snape felt like a blistering heat as he glared so fiercely at the desk, it should burst into flames.

“You will meet my demands or I talk. You can expel me all you like and I will still talk. I’ll tell everyone who will listen. I don’t care about Lupin or Black or anyone else. I will talk” meeting his unreadable eyes you snarled, “you can try to force me to be silent, you can even try to obviate this whole situation, however, you cannot change the fact that come next moon I will turn. Now, you get to decide if this becomes something between me and you. Or if I should get the ministry involved”

“I would never obliviate my student” he gasped aghast, the frustration melting into a perfect mask of disbelief.

His utter shock at such a suggestion made you snort, “just like you would never do an unbreakable vow on your student.”

The tension suffocated you. It was so quiet in that welcoming office.

“If you’re registered your life would never be the same. You would face prejudice. Constant monitoring, even death.” He warned with a mawkish sense of worry.

“I already am gonna die after I graduate. Perks of being Bella’s favorite.”

You felt a growl in your throat at the flash of fake concern on his face. Like he didn’t know.

“I don’t care Dumbledore. I will tell.”

He must have seen it in your face. The truth of the words, because you saw the man shout for the first time in your life. You were ashamed to admit it did cause you to flinch.

“I will not behold hostage in my own school! I am trying to protect you! All my students!”

It was strange seeing him break his calm.

It felt like a victory.

“I didn’t want to be turned into a werewolf in your school so excuse me for not having any sympathy” you returned nastily, not caring for the pure frustration on the old man’s face.

“What do you want for in return” His voice sounded so different as he appraised you. It felt like he was finally acknowledging the predator in you, not the prey.

You gave a wide-tooth smile, taking your sweet time. You popped a lemon drop into your mouth, smacking your lips.

Truth be told, you didn’t actually know what you wanted. You didn’t even imagine it would get that far.

All the things you did want were buried in the ground.

You had to be smart, you had a be a true snake.

“Hmmmmm okay, for the three lives I save I want ... three favors from you. You won't know what they are until I require it and you will comply."

He opened his mouth to complain. You smiled once more, crossing your arms around your chest. His mouth snapped closed he frowned, pronouncing the wrinkles on his face.

“It will not be to cause the death of another. I will not partake in any harm of another being.”

“Not willingly of course” you nodded, pretending to be understanding. “You will complete the favor to your best capability and try your hardest, with all the resources you have, to make sure you follow through”

“I need to be able to reject the favor if I disagree with it”

“Nope” you sighed, popping the “p”.

It was a stalemate.

It felt like infinity in which the damn bastard refused to let go of his stare. The lemon drop tasted too sour in your mouth and you almost began to sweat, despite everything, with his long brooding silence. He really should have been a Slytherin.

Finally, the old wizard nodded his head. Disapproval written deeply into his face.

Holding out his hands you remembered the oath, the bastard was really going to make an unbreakable vow. You should report him to the ministry just for that.

“You will not communicate to a living soul, ghost, or creature that Lupin is a Lycanthrope. You will not communicate what occurred this night with anyone other than those who were present in this room.”

He added more conditions, the crafty bastard he was, ensuring you wouldn’t be able to follow through with the threat.

You nodded, feeling the prickles of doubt as you grabbed his hand. Could you do this? You could die if you accidentally blabbered. Your demands seemed too small for the gravity of what you were doing. You should ask for money. You should ask for shelter. You should ask for-.

You didn’t think this through, but as if on autopilot, your voice agreed to the spell while your mind fearfully revolted.

Eventually, it was sealed, with Snape’s observing presence acting as a witness.

Your hand stung, forcing you back to the present. You watched with fascination as the red marks fade as if nothing had occured you knew something of utmost importance had occurred in this room.

Shaking your head, you forced away nagging doubt penetrating through your anger. You instead choose to focus on the bloodthirsty taste of victory when finally meeting the crestfallen face of Dumbledore.

The chat ended pretty quickly after that with Dumbledore ominously promising a future chat about your status as an unregistered werewolf and undoubtedly what in Merlin’s name had just occurred.

Before you left he put a hand on your shoulder that you quickly shrugged off. He sighed wearily once more for the hundredth time.

He looked at you. So closely that it made your cheeks turn red without your consent.

You saw the glistening in his eyes and grave worry on his face. He looked ancient and afraid.

You hated him for being so convincing.

“I never intended for this to happen” he sounded so much older than from when this whole ‘discussion’ began.

The ‘sincerity’ made you almost gag.

You left without a word, feeling that it didn’t deem a response as you heard his sigh once more.

Then you were in the hallway.

It was dark and ominous, with only the moon illuminating the cool hallway.

You could sense in your bones everything would be different now. You threatened Albus Dumbledore and won.

Something dark in you, the anger in you was momentarily sated, you felt like a conquering champion. You felt powerful. In control. It was something entirely alien to you, much better than the pity triumph of slipping potions into Pumpkin juice, no this, this was addictive.

This wasn't that soft hope that guided you. No, this was something cruel and harsh.

This was vengeance and for once you got a smidge of what you were deserved. This opened ideas for you that would be too afraid to think about in the past. You felt as if your path would be forever changed now.

“Mistress we must be on our way”

You jumped and squeaked, much to your embarrassment. Geeze after all that, you startled like a mouse. You felt yourself pink not realizing you were being watched by the eyes of Dumbledore’s house-elf and the much too intense eyes of Severus Snape analyzing you like you were one of his more difficult potions.

To be honest you forgot about the bloke towards the end, much too caught up in your battle.

He was silent but critical, even in his bedclothes he managed to look imposing. Maybe it was the height you mused. Why couldn’t you grow that size, shouldn’t you look differently after your bite? 

Shaking that thought you carefully acknowledged the figure beside you. What do you say in this situation?

What do you even feel towards him in this situation? Anger? Guilt? Regret? 

 _This_ is why you rarely interacted with others, it was much too confusing. Lost in your thoughts you didn’t realize when you had all stopped by the medical bay.

You didn’t know how to regard him, a rational part knowing he was a victim in his own way, a sympathetic part feeling bad for the whole Dumbledore fiasco and almost dying, and another part angry at how entirely _stupid_ he was. However more prominent above all was abject tiredness of it all, you had enough energy for only one confrontation. And the more tired you realized you were, the more you wanted to wrap this all up and never have to deal with this confounding situation. 

Startled, much to your embarrassment, you nodded respectfully at the house-elf. You tilted your head to meet his eyes. Despite his impressive stoic mask, you could see the dark bags under his eyes, accentuated by the shadows. His face looked softer, his cheeks looked pinker, and his obsidian eyes looked unsure.

He looked so young in this light.

So vulnerable.

Sighing, you felt your sympathy give out. It seemed brought out the Hufflepuff in you, you’ll hound the bloke about his idiocracy at a later date.

You patted his shoulder, causing him to flinch away. You tried to ignore the sting of his fear felt, coughing awkwardly. “I’m sorry Snape”

His eyes snapped to yours, you could read the confusion in them in the dim moonlight.

“For you know Black and everything” you muttered lamely. He didn’t respond, still watching you.

Geeze, could the bloke throw you a line. You did save his life. You thought bitterly, least he could do was thank you. 

As if he could read your thoughts his deep voice pierced through your rising anger.

“Thank you” he sounded so sincere yet so guarded, it was impressively Slytherin of him.

Oh. You nodded feeling your face heat, this was the most non-threatening human contact with your peers you had outside of classes. Wow, you were reminded how pathetic your existence has become.

“Um, er don’t mention it. I mean you really can't because of the whole vow thing” You laughed nervously before wincing at the sobering thought, “yea sorry about that too.”

He opened his mouth to say something, his brow scrunched in a deep contemplating frown before deciding against it.

You felt unsure.

“I mean I am right pissed at you for being an idiot but I am too tired for that but I know its Blacks and Dumbledores fault soo”

You trailed off helplessly, just wanting this whole conversation to end and to collapse into bed.

“I-” 

“Quippy needs mistress and master to move along” the house-elf ordered cheerfully. Stopping whatever sentence the frowning Slytherin was going to say. You were too exhausted to care, matching his deep nod with an awkward salute.

Slapping a hand on your forehead, you sluggishly trekked to your bed. The adrenalin of the conversation making you aware of how weary your whole being was. Pomfrey was still up and waiting making apart of you to sting so longingly that you rebuffed her concern. The guilt at her confusion was something you needed to endure, you reminded yourself. You couldn’t be weak anymore.

Before you could even process what in merlin’s name had just happened and the repercussion of it all you were blissfully passed out to the world. Snoring loudly, you unaware at the chocolate placed on your bedside by a seemingly invisible force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was looooonnnngggg. I do hope it doesnt seem too out of character. I dont really know what the punishments were, it might have been mentioned but I couldn't find it so I hope this doesnt seem too out of the realm of possibility. I dont think dumbledore did the unbreakable vow but maybe he did? I feel like snape would be all about telling the world if not for it or maybe the threat of expulsion. I just included it because it would be one of the many breaking points for the reader. also i hope the disgust at the action doesnt seem too forced. the reader sees it as the ultimate abuse of his power and is particularly upset seeing as it was a way to prevent snape from getting his justice (which you are all about). and ooooh lupin will appear!!! I am going to be getting alot of inspiration from lupin from the other side of the mirror an amazing lupin/snape fanfic with aggressive but realisitc lupin so check that out if your interested! i rambled alot. i should be in bed its much too late ! goodnight and will post soon random person hopefully reading this.
> 
> also i hope snape seems a little in character. i feel like he wouldnt be as strong as he was an adult, he would be a bit more vunerable but dont worry he will be his snarky self soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You make a decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I am sorry for how late this way but I hope you enjoy!

It was a profound aching in your body that force you awake. It felt like there was an invisible leash inside you, demanding your attention. There was merciless master pulling you towards them. When you try to follow the leash, trying to regain your freedom, you were left chasing a never ending abyss with only the company of the taunting pull reminding you of your place. Letting you know that you would never reach the end. That you would never be free. 

Frowning deeply at your melancholy, if not poetically _Hufflepuff_ thoughts, you took comfort in the familiar heachache that came when you embraced the day. The sudden onslaught of your senses was something you had yet to become accustomed too. 

You were fearful of the day when it was.

Reorienting your brain you stretched slowly, sighing in satisfaction at the cracks.

This pull in your body was needy. It was draining all your energy making it feel like you hadn’t slept a wink while simultaneously making you feel twitchy with the need to move.

An instinctual part of you knew what it was, you chose to ignore it in favor of basking in your precious moments of ignorance.

“Ah your up dearie”

Smiling at Pomfrey’s motherly voice, you fought against your instincts to enthusiastically return her embrace, opting an awkward pat on her back. Averting your eyes, you try to depriotize your guilt.

 “How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

It was a lie, you both knew it was a lie, you never felt more groggy and restless in your life. You wanted to both sleep and sprint in equal measure making your head dizzy with the contradictory needs.

“Tonight is -” she looked at the sunny sky, turning at you with trepidation.

“Yes, I know”

You didn’t recognize your voice. You didn’t recognize your words.

“It’ll be alright sweetheart, you won’t be alone and I’ll be there when you wake up”

Her sincerity was heartbreaking, it reminded you of a life you could have had. For a brief agonizing moment you could have sworn you saw the shadow of your mother in her concern.

You bit your lips to prevent words that threaten to come out, to fight off the irrational need to just submit into her embrace. 

So instead replied noncommittally, feigning disinterest as she soothingly talked about what will occur. You will enter the whomping willow with **him** , transform, wake up and be bombarded with potions before going back to classes. Having to pretend that your life did not forever change.

The realization that you would be forced to be in the near vicinity of **him** made your fingers twitch. A dark part of you was _giddy_ at the thought of encountering him in wolf form. Another part of you was horrified at the thought of accepting this bizarre dream. And a large part of you was concerned by your irrational blood lust.

Pomfrey tried to continue her conversation, discussing anything on her mind to fill the silence as she performed her morning routine. Usually you would happily engaged in her pleasantries, she brought out the childish side of you that longed for her motherly affection. 

She eventually understood, the wonderful person she was, and left you be. You hated yourself for the pained look she hid at your dismissal but you needed a moment to think, to breathe.

Your brain was reeling with the fact that something extraordinary impactful happened yesterday. 

When left to ponder, you sat cross legged staring at the cracks in the wall as if it would solve all of your problems.

Dumbledore tried to manipulate you into surrendering. It made a snarl rise in your throat thinking about it, thinking about how that fool succeeded with Snape.

However, he lost to you. Dumbledore _lost_ to _you._

That taste of victory was exquisite, it made the insatiable part of you that hungered for blood momentary satisfied. It was an addicting rush of power.

And you easily wanted more.

But then you remember what you actually won.

Three favors! Three measly favors, your brow furrowed as you curse yourself for asking for such non-consequential compensation for your silence. Dumbledore was probably laughing himself a tissy realizing that despite being forced to conceded: all he truly lost was his pride (which you did have to admit was immensely pleasing) and three silly favors.

Why didn’t you act more like a Slytherin? How could you be so foolish. You could have forced him to do anything. Well, almost anything.

Powerful witches and wizards would have died trying to make Dumbledore submit, Grundlewald even did die by facing Dumbeldore.

And you had the perfect opportunity to enact your vengeance, to really cause him pain, and all you could think of to ask was three favors?

What could you even accomplish with three favors?

Scrubbing a hand over your face, you groaned trying to rationed what you even want to ask of him.

What did you want?

Your family was dead. He couldn’t very well kill anyone. However, the more you mused the more the possibilities rang in your head. 

Dumbeldore was essentially like those genies in your muggle story books. While not at first the most appetizing of prizes, you could make the most of it.

But for what goal?

You were stumped, shutting your eyes you tried to figure out what to do with this new opportunity.

Dumbledore couldn’t kill Bellatrix, or Voldermort, or anyone.

Dumbeldore wouldn't bring your family back to life.

He could give you money, but he couldn’t guarantee safety from Bellatrix or her Death Eater lot. You were forever tied to the wizarding world. You could move to a country you couldn’t pronounce but the risk you posed to the Muggles made the Hufflepuff part of you unable to subject them to that. No matter where you went, you wouldn’t be able to seek sanctuary because once a month you would kill whatever community unlucky enough to house you. You would have to be apart of the wizarding world for your condition and you _knew_ Bellatrix would scour each and every wizarding community until she found you.

But maybe you could just hide away. You could just leave once a month to a secluded place, far from any victims, and live your life as a recluse. You didn’t want Bellatrix to somehow get word of your face so you could become a hermit, that way any muggle wouldn’t accidentally out you. You only needed the wizarding world for the Wolfsbane potion and you were an expert on making Polyjuice potion. But the part Bellatrix trained to always be fearful of her next attack made itself known. You could easily imagine that future. You would be alive but still **afraid**. You could practically feel the paranoia, paranoia still ingrained in you at this moment. A constant awareness of Bellatrix. You knew that if you lived that life, no matter how you were, or how impossible it would be to discover you, you would always look over your shoulder. Always feeling Bellatrix's breath on the back of your neck. 

You felt unsatisfied with it. 

The lingering taste of victory remained in your mouth, the fulfilling feeling of power was in your belly. After knowing what it felt like to get a small glimpse of vengeance, you didn’t want to live that safe but weak life.

Plus something was still curdling inside you, a forigne entity that set you on edge.

You slumped in your bed, massaging away your headache. Too many thoughts and emotions ran rampant in your mind.

Turning to your side, you were about to close your eyes, hoping to dream up the solution when you catch sight of it.

An innocuous chocolate bar taunting you on your bed stool.

You knew immediately where it came from.

You didn’t hold back you snarl as you gripped the chocolate bar and chucked it away, managing to break a window. Pomfrey shouted in concern at the sudden sound, you couldn’t answer her as the rage boiled inside you.

A blissful and purposeful rage that cleared away your overflowing thoughts. It made the answer so painfully clear. How could you not see it? How could you not feel it?

Dumbledore couldn’t kill her.

But he did have resources. 

And with this seductive hunger inside of you demanding blood you realized the simple truth. 

You were not going to roll on your belly like a little puppy for Bellatrix. Gift her your submission. 

No, you weren’t her prey anymore.

The pulling of the moon acutely reminded you of that.

There was crudely drawn out path in front of you as the rage bubbled.

A path you never thought possible.

A path leading to a goal riddled with blood and vengeance.

Dumbledore couldn’t kill your dear friend Bellatrix.

**But you could.**

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry for how short this chapter is but don't worry it will go pretty fast from here! I have a plan for what will happen next so I hope to update more regularly! I hope you enjoy!!! I also hope this isn't too "my immortal edgy"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The transformation begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! I should be sleeping buut who needs sleep right? (I desperately do) BUT I hope you enjoy this chapter! I will be sure to edit this properly but I got excited and just wanted to post it right away! Thank you so much for your support it literally astounds me every time I read a comment or see a kudos

The day passed sketching out a crude path to your new goal. For the first time in a month, you were impatient to leave Pomfrey’s sacred haven.

You needed to put action into your plans, the delicious promise of Bellatrix's death made you eager to start.

So far all you could decide was that accomplishing your goal would be incredibly hard. You needed to find a way to gain access to Bellatrix. This wasn't too much cause for alarm as she would no doubt try to kill you first. However, her resources were intimidating, to say the least. Even with your newfound feral blood lust, it would be impossible to win.

Unless they attacked you on a full moon, but even then your victory seemed doubtful. You shivered despite yourself remembering the maw of the beast. You would be deadly, of course, but would you be strong enough to overpower Bellatrix and her precious Death Eaters?

You needed a way to isolate her, she might be foolish enough to come at you alone but Bellatrix loved attention. You knew she would want your execution to no doubt to be a spectacle, a show to everyone that she wasn’t weak. Her precious reputation demanded it.

So, your biggest stepping stone is separating her from her resources. She was able to orchestrate your whole family’s death from Hogwarts in a week's time. Her family’s money and as she smugly reminded everyone “Master’s” support proved to be endless.

Tendrils of self-doubt threatened entrance as you sat idly, ruminating on all the obstacles between you and Bellatrix’s throat.

However, the longer you actually contemplating her death, the more you felt giddy anticipation.

You felt so rebellious, never thinking this a feasible option that knew it had to be done.

You were a dead man, either way, at least you could die with the blood of Bellatrix on your tongue.

“Dear?”

You squeaked (yes squeaked to utter mortification) at Pomfrey's sudden presence.

Plotting someone’s death really took away your spacial awareness.

_Note: need to work on your spacing out._

“Ah- ahem, yes?”

She gave a concerned smile looking at you with hesitation, a common expression she darned after your whole ‘window-breaking’ incident.

“We will have to leave for the Whomping Willow soon. You remember what we discussed?”

Your head snapped to the window, how long were you wrapped up in your mind. Through the pristine arched windows, you could see the painted sky transitioning into darkness. The moon was peeping out, about to make its demanding entrance. You felt your hands tremble as your blood turned cold. 

Nodding, you hoped your smile looked more convincing than you felt. Judging by her sympathetic look, you figured it resembles more of a wince.

Your dinner rumbled uncomfortably in your belly. You felt feverish under the insistent demand of the pull.  

Were you going to vomit?

Horrific images of what will occur made you blanched. 

The sloppering teeth -

Touching your lips, would it hurt?

The sudden curdling in your belly answered your questions.

_Yes, it will._

You dutifully followed behind Pomfrey through the eerily dark and empty hospital wing, dragging your feet as if it would delay the inevitable. 

The door swung open.

Your breath caught in your throat. There was a lurch in your gut. Your body tensed up for a fight as you recognized your own kind.

There at the entrance, looking like the utter pinnacle of guilt, was Remus Lupin.

He looked much _frailer_ than you imagined. 

You never cared much to look at Lupin before this. He, of course, was considered swoon-worthy by an association to his pals (your face scrunched up at the thought of those could-be murderers) and while discovering his secret made him noteworthy, you had too much to deal with to really pay him much attention.

However, now, feeling the suffocating pull of the moon as an acute reminder of what will happen, of what _he_ did to you to make this happen, you took your time to scrutinize the pitiful sight in front of you.

He was taller than you thought he would be. However, this wasn't too impressive you snarked, everyone was taller than you at this cursed school.

And while he wasn’t as lanky as Snape (who looked as if he could use a few good meals in him) there was something nonthreatening about him with his hunched over unassuming body language. In his well-worn garbs and averted eyes that were hidden behind shaggy hair, he seemed like the type you could easily bully. Not the type that could transform into a beast once a month. 

Pomfrey cleared her throat, you felt your cheeks pink despite your best efforts at being caught staring at Lupin.

The sudden interruption forced you to look at his face.

His irritatingly shamed, solemn, pitiful and fearful face.

You didn’t want to meet his eyes, opting to star at the scars stretched across his cheeks, scars that mirrored the one on your back. It made something in you sadistically pleased to see his downtrodden expression. It made something viciously savage in you want to tear out a chunk of his throat.

You didn’t realize you were snarling until you heard Pomfrey gasp and his auburn eyes snapped to yours.

It was the beast's eyes meeting your own. You were back in that musty tunnel. You were on your belly infron of the wolf. It’s teeth sunk into the supple flesh o-

You didn’t realize you were hyperventilating until you could feel Lupin’s hands on your shoulders supporting your collapsing body as Pomfrey commanded you to breathe, rubbing comforting circles on your back.

There was something so incredibly satisfying seeing his auburn eyes widen as you forcefully shoved him away.

There was something so incredibly satisfying seeing the pain etched onto his face as he fell harshly onto the ground.

“Don’t. Touch. Me”

There was a roughness in your voice that was foreign to you.

Lupin lifted himself up with Pomfrey’s help, you fought the urge to grab Pomfrey away. Your fingers twitched in anticipation.

You despised the understanding and shame in his eyes as he held up his hands in surrender.

Despite everything, he still acted so _docile_.

Pomfrey tried to clear away the tension, her words fell deaf on your ears as you suddenly found yourself walking in tune with Lupin into the Willow.

Something so _condescending_  as he meekly glanced at you, timid lips opening then closing at your hateful expression.

You didn’t care about politeness as you intently glared at his profile. Hoping his face burned to ash under your stare.

His adam apple bobbed as he gulped, your mouth watered with the lingering taste of blood.

He met your stare, his own so nauseating apologetic.

There was something so _patronizing_ as he submissively averted his gaze, sweet blood rushing to his cheeks.

He was so convincing in his act. His manipulation was so successful that he tricked you, Dumbledore, Pomfrey, _everyone_  into believing that he was just like them. You scowled as your rage threatened to overflow. 

He was gaslighting them all. _And_  he had the audacity to try it on you, despite all that occurred, despite what your condition revealed.

He wanted everyone to think he was prey like them. 

But the adrenaline furiously pumping through your veins and your newfangled instincts recognized he wasn’t.

A growl rumbled in low in your throat forcing his eyes (the eyes of the beast) to meet yours.

You knew what he was, what he was hiding behind his mask of tranquility.

He was a predator, just like you.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was much easier to gain entrance into the whomping willow with Pomfrey present. She was a formable alley as she bravely met the branches, gracefully guiding you both into the secret passage.

Being inside the musty caverns of the passage made whatever power you felt in your hatred dissipate as you were once more in the beast’s grip.

How was it that you could so vividly remember the feeling of the teeth sinking into your flesh, the toxin annihilating any part of your human self. 

Air was escaping your lungs, your vision was swimming as the ground was too wet, the walls too tight, the air too sparse, the darkness too enveloping.

You were saved by the sound of your name leaving Lupin’s concerned mouth. He was calling out to you, hands out-reached hesitantly and eyes intently assessing your blanched expression.

“Are you alright?”

Forcefully shaking away your unhelpful reaction, feeling your cheeks pink once again (to your mortification), you found solace at the anger his face caused.

You glared pointedly at his arm hovering by your frame until the unwanted appendage was nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

Snootily turning up your nose, you continued your trek to Pomfrey who was already by entrance watching with alarm. You tried to channel the poshness of your peers as you dismissed the fool.

The utter superciliousness in his display of ‘concern’ caused rage to guide you forward. It propelled you to force air into your deflating lungs when inside the beast’s lair. It propelled you too tightly clench your first in order to cease your insufferable trembling when confronted by the dark stains on the wooden floor. It propelled you to fight against the rising bile in your throat when you smelt the perfume of blood and sweat staining the walls.

Pomfrey stood in the middle of the room, fingers clasped together as her smile twitched. Her eyes shifted between the two of you. You were standing tense, feverishly meeting her eyes and not the dark stains on the floor and Lupin, to your utter annoyance, was still hovering by the entrance, arms hugging himself as he pretended to be ‘considerate’ and ‘scared’.

The silence was heavy, it was nearly unbearable, but Pomfrey, the saint she was quickly took the lead. Clearing her throat politely she clapped her hands in false cheer.

“Okay dears, Dumbledore and I made modifications considering -,” meeting your eyes she paused, her smile almost distorting her face with the visible effort she was applying. “Certain circumstances.” Lupin shielded away in the corner, flinching as his eyes stared morosely into the uneven wooden floor.

“Yea, circumstances,” you chuckled darkly, both irritated and satisfied with how Lupin shrunk despite his tall stature.

“Ahem,” you met Pomfrey’s eyes, her expression forced away any tempered responses threatening entry. 

“Yes, well as we discussed you will need to be free from any restrictions to make the transition as easy as possible”

It was your turn to flinch.

She gestured to a curtained off part of the room you didn’t notice before. Thick black curtains sectrioned off the back right corner of the room, the implications of it made your face pale.

_She didn’t mean -_

You cursed yourself for not paying closer attention earlier today, maybe if you had you actually listened you could have braced yourself for the fact you would have to be _naked_ in the same room as Lupin.

Suddenly, the idea of becoming a wolf didn’t scare you anymore. This, this was more terrifying.

You glared murderously at Lupin, the bellend pervert. He was still by the entrance, beet red and staring at the floor like it would swallow him whole. He too seemed to understand the implications.

Pomfrey cleared her throat once more, she spoke about the transition trying to warn you about the pain in the most reassuring way she could (she didn’t succeed). You felt the pull becoming more smothering the longer she spoke, barely able to pay attention to her words. She left with promises to heal you as efficiently as possible, ensuring that you will be able to go back to school as soon as able. That maybe, after a while, you would even accept what occurred.

For the first time in your life, you find yourself furious at the well-intentioned witch, wanting to scream at her in frustration. 

_You will never be able to accept this._

However, when she captured your hands in her soft palms, her eyes so unbearable genuine, any insults died on your lips as your mouth was uncomfortably dry.

"You will survive this."

You tried to swallow saliva that wasn’t there as you watched her leave with dread threatening to swallow you whole.

_Did you want too? If you did this you will be a-_

You didn’t know how long you stared dumbly at the now closed door, hoping that maybe if you convinced yourself that this wasn’t real you would wake up in your bed.

Pinching yourself proved otherwise.

There was timid coughing beside you as you absitenmidnly rubbed your stung arm, Lupin watched you with such apprehension it made you want to simultaneously throw up and rip out his condescending eyes.

“It will start soon, we should -” his head nodded towards the curtain. You watched with numb fascination as the blood rushing to his cheeks spread down his neck. He even tried to act modestly on top of guilty. Your answering scowl sadly only intensified his performance.

“You probably bit me since you knew no-one would be stupid enough to show you their bits”

You winced, you had to admit it wasn't your best insult. Cringing as your cheeks pinked despite your efforts, you lifted up your chin and crossed your arms. You had to forgive yourself given the ‘circumstance’, you weren’t exactly in the right mindset to spew something more impressive.

He sputtered, his blush now rising to the tips of his ears. 

“N-no, no I would never. It was an accident I didn’t-”

“Accident?" you scoffed. "Black _accidentally_ guided Snape, his known enemy, into the Whomping Willow. _Accidentally_  found a secret passage no one should know about. _Accidentally_ led Snape to a werewolf. _Accidentally_ forcing me, a bystander, to rescue them since I decided to be a complete and utter Hufflepuff that day. Wow Lupin, if you ask me that is a very convenient  _accident._ ” You raised a disbelieving eyebrow, honestly you were too shocked by the audacity of his lie.

“No, I mean yes. But no- Black did lead Snape but- but it was an accident you got bit!” his eyes were annoying wide and earnest as he continued to lie, despite knowing what you both would endure in the next few moments. Couldn’t he respect you enough to just admit the truth?

“Oh, so Snape was supposed to be a bit” you nodded your head in mock understanding. Laughing nastily, “sorry to ruin your plans there pal.” 

Imaging Snape in this position made you despise Lupin a little bit more as he flailed his arms wildly, babbling in a vain attempt to alter his explanation.

“N-no!,” he rubbed his face in frustration, “no one was-”

“Save it Lupin.”

You shoved past him, smirking when he stumbled as you made it to the curtained section.

“I didn’t _want_ to bite anyone.” His voice sounded so _ancient_.

Gripping the curtain you were unmoved by the pitiful sight in front of you. He looked so dejected _,_ so hopeless, so _tired_.

His mouth moved, no doubt to continue his hogwash.

“I don’t care.” 

It was very satisfying being able to forcefully swing the curtain close, finally having a moment of privacy.

It was so silent, you wondered if maybe Lupin did manage to get the floor to swallow him whole. However, the sound of the creaking floor a second later made you sigh in disappointment.

There was a chair in this sectioned corner, it was a flimsy unassuming chair however when you sat down you were pleasantly surprised to realize how unnaturally comfortable it was. No doubt charmed by Pomfrey’s hand, a ghost of a smile etched your lips as you took in the room. It was more run down than you remembered, of course, you weren’t exactly in the most coherent mindset at the time to care, but the whole structure seemed incredibly shabby.

A dazed part of you wondered how this broken little room, boarded up with planks of wood, could survive being inhabited by a werewolf.

Stroking the peeling walls, you felt the thrum of powerful magic under your fingertips.

Dumbledore.

Of course, he would do all the proper _‘protocols’_ to ensure his Gryffindor student would be comfortable and safe. 

You didn’t hold back your growl that rumbled through your throat as your bittiness and resentment bubbled.

“I understand that your angry”

Lupin’s voice murmured beside you through the curtain, sounding so _‘understanding’,_ just like Dumbledore’s.

You snarled, fingers curled up into fists as you found it so hard to not attack the idiotic student. You wished your fingers were around his throat, _squeezing._

“You understand nothing.”

Your voice was not your own, it was rough and hoarse. The same forigne tone when you Lupin gripped your shoulder.

“I do understand” he sounded so sad. So annoyingly, irritatingly, condescending, frustratingly, pityingly _sad_.

You opened your mouth, to either rip through the curtain with your teeth or to yell at him. You didn’t care to figure out which.

“But I do,” he paused, once more sounding so old that if you didn’t know the person behind the curtain was a teen, you would have assumed it was an elder on his deathbed. “I am so sorry Sirius shouldn’t have-”

“Save your apologies for someone who cares Lupin your-”

You wanted to finish your sentence with insults so foul it would cause Dumbledore to blush but instead, you found yourself preoccupied.

Something was **moving** inside of you.

Gripping your belly, you lifted your medical garb to watch with detached horror as you could see your ribs rearrange yourself. The bones pushing against the soft skin of your stomach, threatening to rip out of it.

You could distantly hear your name being called as Lupin cursed in pain.

The curtain was violently pushed open.

If you were in the right frame of mind, your face would have melted when seeing the naked form of Lupin staring at you with unadulterated concern.

“It will be okay.”

If you were in the right frame of mind you would have been insulted that he continued to stick with this 'innocent' persona even now. However, you stared hopelessly at him, desperately wanting him to be true.

He stumbled towards you, his tan skin deathly white as you watched his bones shift.

You didn't realize tears were streaming down your face until he was grasping it in his palms in a fruitless attempt of support. Blood dripped from your cheek. You could feel his hands quickly grow in size, his nails extruding out into claws as they pierced into your fleshy cheeks.

He was sweating profusely, face twisting in agony.

“J-j-just rem- remember to brea- the”

His voice was more wolf than human.

Meeting his owlish eyes all you could remember to do was _**SCREAM**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its so short! Hope they are in character!! Also *you* are increeeddddiblllyyy biased Lupin is a cinnamon roll and is indeed concerned and genuine in his feelings BUT you being the snarky reader you are is incredibly doubtful of that! This will change in due time! I hope you enjoy! Next chapter will have less talking to yourself and more character interactions! COMING UP: SIRIUS, JAMES, REMUS, PETER, and SEVERUS!! (oh my)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after your transformation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Im sorry for how short this chapter is I just wanted to get something out as soon as possible! Thank you for all the support it really blows my mind! Also let me know about any grammar errors Ill be sure to fix it right away!

The large light-brown wolfed curiously moved towards its new companion. The female wolf, a runt in size compared to him, shivered feverishly while trying to hide under the thick black curtains. Her tufted tail was tucked under her frail frame and her eyes anxiously observed its environment. It narrowed in on the advancing wolf.

Upon being approached, she emitted a soft warning growl that reverberated down her throat.

However the male wolf took no heed of the warning signs, puffing his chest and forcing himself forward. Crouching down to sniff the female he suddenly yelped in pain. There was now a deep slash across his face. 

A feeble growl echoed through the room as the female wolf shifted into defensive position. Her ears were flat on her head and hairs were erect on her back.

The brown-haired wolf shook his massive head, lips licking the blood dripping from the wound. His eyes glared at his hostile companion, adopting a similar stance. 

They both appraised each other, the tension in the air electric, both waiting for the moment to attack.

The frail female was getting impatient, becoming antsy the longer the two stared at each other.

Panting breaths intensified while the male wolf remained amused.

Time stood still. The male wolf remained apathetic to the frailer wolf’s attempt at intimidation wa-

The frailer wolf lunged.

At once, she was being held down by the male wolf. Teeth gently holding down her neck. 

She howled, twisting frantically in order to escape his grip. Claws scratched into the wolf’s shoulder. The older wolf growled deeply, digging its teeth deeper.

The female was instantly still, whimpering in pain.

After a moment she was released, cowering her head at the older wolf’s inspection. 

The brown-hair wolf licked the wounds apologetically. When he was satisfied he moved his head to the submissive wolf’s hind.

As he was about it to finally sniff, he let out a sharp bark of pain. Snapping his head to the source he blinked at the sight of the female wolf’s mouth ensnared around his back leg.

The female wolf took this moment of distraction to stumble onto her legs, quickly backing into the corner and presenting her teeth in anger.

The male wolf huffed annoyed, no longer amused at the younger wolf’s antics. 

It snarled. A low, ominous and powerful sound. Licking his teeth he watched with hunger as the female wolf flinched before bracing herself for a savage fight.

She tried to mimic the sound, it was quite pitiful in comparison. However, the older wolf found it endearing. He barked placadingly tilting his head. He tried offering the younger wolf one more chance to accept her position. 

The answering response was by no means yielding to the older wolf’s claim. He appeared to shake his head in disappointment.

The female wolf bared her teeth and lunged once more.

Xxx

You woke up with a wince immediately grabbing at your mid-section. Blinking crusty eyes open you felt bile rise up in your throat seeing your hand slick with blood.

_What happened?_

You found yourself naked save for a tattered curtains remain gently shielding you from view. Lifting up the garment you had to fight the urge to pass out. It looked like you went toe to toe with a butcher knife. Judging by the state of your body, the knife won. You experimentally poked at the most troubling wound on your shoulder, it appeared to be a line of gashes in the shape of numerous bites. However, your cry of pain forced you to quickly retreat your hand. 

“Don’t worry, Pomfrey will heal with that soon” 

Your squeak was insticutal. You didn’t have your bearings to be too embarrassed about it seeing as you were too preoccupied trying to frail around to fight off your attacker. Gripping the unhelpful curtain close to your naked chest, you felt so disturbingly vulnerable.

“Relax it's only me” there was loud groaning as you saw through blurry eyes as Lupin limped towards you.

Despite wearing his clothes from yesterday you could see how absolutely _battered_ he was. It was morbidly fascinating seeing red flowering through his shabby uniforms.

“Merlin” 

He met your horrified whisper with a wry chuckle. Stumbling closer, he winced as he slowly slid down the wall in order to sit next to you. It was much closer to you than you would have preferred. 

His placading smile was not well received. However, now with the light of the day and the close proximity you could see the horrible injuries he endured. His left eye was swollen, face was littered with numerous scratches, and blood was still ominously seeping through his clothes. He looked like he got attacked by a-

“Wolf?”

You blinked dumbly at his dark chuckle, not realizing you spoken aloud. His auburn eyes were sworming with grief and sadness you didn’t want to broach. 

You looked away, a hysterical part of you feeling stupidly guilty for inflicting such wounds.

“Sorry,” you didn’t know why you spoke. You hated yourself for doing so seeing how it wasn’t your bloody fault. However the nauseatingly sweet stench of his blood invading your nose and lingering on your tongue forced you to do so.

It was his turn to blink dumbly, you made sure your seething glare conveyed the fact that you weren’t actually sorry just irrational due to duress.

His hopeful smile made it apparent your efforts were futile.

“It’s okay, when were like that we … don’t have much control needless to say” his laugh sounded so foreign, too sardonic for the Gryffindor.

He looked at your injured form, pity puckering his face in an ugly fashion. You didn’t care about his swollen eye, if he kept looking at you like you would give him a matching pair.

“I’m sorry too.”

His voice - his bloody voice - sounding too similar to Dumbledore’s. Drenched with saccharine worry. It made your fingers clench.

You opened your mouth, reaching out to point your finger at the fool. You planned on letting him know what he could do with his disingenuous apologies but instead you yelped. It appeared the wounds on your shoulder didn’t appreciate your sudden movements, as you felt excruciating agony that left you momentarily blind.

Instantaneously you felt numbness, blissful numbness. It lasted only for a moment, but as the pain insidiously returned you felt better handed for it. Also, you now knew not to move, no matter how much Lupin deserves a good slap to the face.

Breathing in deeply, you peeked up from your crumbled form seeing a dangerously pale-faced Lupin chanting while sweat gathered at his brow. His wand trembled in his hand.

“Sorry, I can’t hold it longer”

He sounded so upset and ashamed that it puzzled you. You couldn’t think of an insult, how could he be this committed to his act? How could he remain so frustratingly _docile_ even when he was in such apparent pain?

You opted to remain silent, the addrenlane from the pain depleting with your energy. You felt too tired to think of any insults, let alone open your eyes.

You heard shuffling beside you as your eyes drooped closed, you could blearily hear the sound of your name over the roaring in your ears.

The stinging in your cheek however did the trick. Your eyes snapped open to only be accosted by the owlishly concerned eyes of Lupin. Now kneeling in front of you, and once again was much too close.

“Did you slap me?” Your voice sounded more dazed then angered. Did he really just slap you after everything? Screw the pain, he really did need another black eye.

Using your uninjured arm you pushed his face away, smirking as he fell to the side. He deserved it, the bloody bastard.

He grimaced, cheeks were bright pink as he attempted to sit himself back up. You were glad to see it was a very hard task for him to do.

“Pomfrey” he winced once he finally managed to sit, again much closer than you would have like, “told me once to never sleep with a head wound, magic can heal so much you know”

Experimentally touching your face, you felt numb horror at the wet sensation of blood coating your scalp. 

“Thanks.” 

Your voice was as numb as your brain, you didn’t even realize you spoke but Lupin smiled grimly nonetheless.

“It’s best to stay awake till Pomfrey comes”

“When will that be?” You tried your hardest to blink away the spots of black in your vision. Staring intently at Lupin’s face. With an uncritical view, you reckon he was handsome. Too bad he was a murdering arse like his friends.

“Well shouldn't be too long” 

There was a pause, you couldn’t muster up a response.

“Hey, you alright?”

Then at once, anger propelled you back into the present.

“Oh I'm just absolutely _dandy_ Lupin. I'm just, you know bleeding, in a shack with an unregistered werewolf after just transforming into a werewolf because said werewolf thought it would be wicked to trick someone into getting bitten by a, word of the day, werewolf. And since I seemed to have unluckily survived my first transformation I am indeed now going to be forever more, can you guess Lupin what it is? Yes, a werewolf.” Lupin winced much to your satisfaction but it seemed head wounds incited your horrible rambling as you found yourself unable to stop, “ _And_ since I’ve said the bloody word so much I know realize how weird of a word it is. I mean who was the bloody fool that came up with such a term. And now that I’m on it who came up with all words? Aren’t words strange I mean-”

Lupin watched you with a mixture of interest and concern as you prowled forward unable to cease your _much_ too long diatribe on how words came to be. Luckily you finally reached the tail end of it and as the silence returned you felt your cheeks pinked once more despite your best efforts. _Really you were on such a roll and then you ruined it._

Lupin cleared his throat, gaining your attention. You felt your words die in your throat seeing the absolute earnestness of his expression, “I didn’t know about Sirius’ plans”

Regaining your bearings you scoffed. “You really expect me to believe that?”

Looking away, you felt the prickles of discomfort at his tortured expression. Once more you wondered how he could be this committed to his act. You held the same wounds he did, you couldn't even imagine continuing a facade. The effort was just needlessly tiring at the point. What did he hope to gain? You couldn’t imagine Dumbledore, the best manipulator you’ve ever encountered going to such extremes. Did he really-

“I need you too” you looked slowly at your hands, now captured by his. His fingers were warm and heavy, so much different from Pomfrey’s soft ones.

Blinking up to his face, _once again_ too close for comfort you found yourself unable to speak.

His expression was just so uncomfortably _genuine._

Doubt was creeping in, was this a trick? Why then did it not feel like one? Why did you want to believe him? It would make sense, your brain tried to ration. Why would he want Snape to get bitten? As Dumbledore stated the consequences he could face just from biting you were so enormously catastrophic Lupin would be a loon to -

“Are you lying to me?”

You _despised_ how weak and timid your voice was. 

His face scrunched up in agony at the words, hands now capturing your bloody face. 

_He really needed to learn personal space._

“Yes,” he cursed under his breath, it was quite exhilarating hearing such foul words from such a do-gooder, “I never wanted to hurt anyone. I never wanted anyone to go through _this”_ oh merlin, his eyes were watering. Oh no, what do you do? What do you do? What do you do?

“I don’t know why Sirius would be so reckless and cruel to do that to Snape, to _you_. I- I know he didn’t intend for this and I tried to understand his explanation but he’s my best mate. And he chose to do this, to use me and now I’ve- Oh merlin, he bloody well knows how much I hate what I am. How afraid of what I am because of what I could do and now my greatest fear has come to life. I never ever wanted to subject someone to this life. I never would have wished it to my worst enemy and yet now here we are and-”

His speech became more incoherent. His voice broke, hands trembled, and the cursed tears clung to his long eyelashes as he continued.

Panic set in.

Suddenly you find yourself with a bleeding, and more alarmingly, crying Lupin. Holding desperately onto your injured form.

He hugged you tightly, you bit back a wince. You could hear him babble apologises into the air. 

This, was actual torture. You would rather be in the maw of the beast than in this situation.

You hand awkwardly patted his ruffled hair like, well, like a dog.

“Er, um it’s okay Lupin”

It really wasn’t okay. The tears and apologizes just wouldn’t stop, his grip wouldn’t lessen, and you were still _very much_ aware that the only thing separating you (a naked person) to him (a clothed person) was a flimsy piece of cloth. He was so inconsolable and worse, you found self actually believing him. 

You tried to console the best way you could, it wasn’t as effective as Pomfrey but at least you tried.

“ _Remus!_ ”

Finally, he stopped. Retreating his face oh boy, was a sight to behold. Face covered with tears, snot and blood. However, his handsome features were still stubbornly present. You _knew_ that if you were in the same state, you wouldn't have been able to pull it off. Luck just wasn’t in your favor you figured.

He wiped his face as best as he could and chuckled nervously.

You realized you were still stroking his hair and quickly removed your hand, you could feel your cheeks match his complexion.

“Sorry about that”

“I think you apologized enough for a lifetime Lupin”

He opened his mouth, no doubt to apologize once more, before closing it at your quirked brow.

The awkwardness in the air suffocated you and he was still so uncomfortably close.

Sighing tiridly, you really were exhausted at this point. The day just started and it felt like it would never end. When was Pomfrey going to make her entrance?

“I believe you Lupin.” 

His hopeful expression made him look like a puppy dog. You bit back a snort at the comparison.

“Yea, yea, yea don’t look too happy. I just figured you wouldn’t be that stupid to you know.” You shrugged feeling increasingly uncomfortable at his large smile.  “Still stupid enough to friend Black though.” 

You added meanly, you had to win back your ego somehow but seeing his defleated expression at his made an stupid part of you felt the irrational urge to _apolggize_ to him. You feared this that this bite was turning you into a Hufflepuff.

He suddenly gripped your hands in his warm palms.

“Thank you.” 

You winced, his solemn voice made it seem like you gifted him a priceless treasure and not just some measly acceptance that _maybe_ he didn’t actually plan on killing someone.

Yup, this pitiful sight really was indeed being honest.

You nodded unable to come up with any words. You could feel your neck heat the longer he stared at you. His eyes were too intense, the air was electric, and his hands were too warm.

“We really need to go over personal boundaries Lupin”

He looked down at his body position, which was actively straddling you at this point. You, who was still very much naked under the curtain. Staring at the feeble covering you could practically _hear_ the blood reaching the tips of his ears. 

This, of course only made you more aware of how indecent this whole thing was. Which only made you blush at an rapid rate as well.

You glared at him like it was his fault (because it was). He sadly didn’t meet your venomous stare looking at the wall with the utmost fascination.

“Why do you have clothes?” you asked petulantly, you knew you were pouting but couldn’t help it. This whole thing was incredibly unfair. “Where are my clothes?”

“Um, well seeing as how I have more experience with this I had taken my off beforehand.” He was blissfully silent. You were happy Lupin didn’t meet your eyes as you knew your face was an alarming shade of red. You brain unhelpfully assaulted you with images from last night. Most markedly, a naked Lupin standing over you as you were about to transform. Oh merlin you saw _everything._

You shook away your unneeded thoughts and tried focusing on more pressing matters. You scanned the room hoping to find your clothes only to suck in a breath in shock. If you thought the room was broken yesterday, it was _nothing_ like today. If it wasn’t for the thrum of Dumbledore’s magic woven into its walls you were sure it would have collapsed onto itself. Amongst the wreckage, you saw the remains of what you imagined to be your clothes. Merlin, _what happened last nigh_ t? You really should have paid more attention to Pomfrey.

“Wait, if my clothes are there how did I?” you stared at the curtain encasing you bewildered. This morning it was gently cocooning you. How was that possible? You were undoubtedly positive you passed out when you transformed back.

Turning to your unusually silent companion you blanched.

Lupin’s heated face could have cooked steak well done. 

“YOU PERVERT”

You both groaned in pain as your foot met his side.

He held his hands up in surrender.

“I didn’t see anything I swear!”

You were too busy trying to kick him again to respond.

“I used leviosa I didn’t -I mean I of course saw a little but I swear-”

You tried lunging only managing to writhe in pain. Lupin tried helping you up only to yelp as you aimed for his esophagus.

And that was how Pomfrey found you both.

You (still annoyingly naked) covered by a curtain fragment attempting to strangle a red-face Lupin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this isn't too out of character I see Lupin as a puppy dog (not because of the werewolf thing ahaha more so just because he's so nice and lovely) I see him as the type to be very physically affectionate. Also I hope reader accepting isn't too rushed and the pace isn't too slow! don't worry next chapter it will pick up as you encounter Dumbledore, the marauders, and Snape!! Love you guys <3 <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last day in the medical wing.

“Well, I guess we will need to tweak the charm on the curtain a bit” Pomfrey tutted conversationally while helping you into medical garbs. She frowned looking at the catastrophic wreckage in the room, you were immensely grateful at her attempt to give you some privacy.

You were thankful Hagrid was able to aid Lupin out of the shack as soon as they arrived. You didn’t initially see him at first seeing how you were preoccupied with your murder attempt. His unintentionally booming shout of concern snapped you out of your daze.

Pomfrey immediately rushed to separate you both with the utmost tenderness, giving commands to the fidgeting Hagrid while simultaneously reprimanding the fight.  

Lupin, the insufferable fool he was, had the audacity to _apologize_ to them.Taking the blame in pained sentence fragments as he was being lifted up to his feet by Hagrid.

You opted to just glare, however as Lupin’s face took on a dangerously pale pallor when standing, you felt the prickles of guilt enter you. Especially since the student remained so frustratingly amenable, chuckling pleasantly and giving you an apologetic grin. If you hadn’t just witnessed him bawling his eyes out a moment before you would have crowned him as a better manipulator than Dumbledore.

He was escorted out after an aghast Pomfrey placed quick spells to stop the profuse bleeding on his leg. When you were blissfully alone she gave you a stern look. She promised to discuss your behavior at a later date seemingly not buying Lupin’s culpability. It probably would have been more believable if they hadn’t just witnessed your hands around his throat. But once she caught sight of the gashes on your shoulder she set to work.

You don’t quite remember how she managed to bring you back to the medical wing seeing how you passed out while stepping into the pants she provided. 

Xxx

You woke up to the bitter taste of potions in your mouth, you fought against the urge to just go back to sleep. 

Cracking your neck you sighed satisfactorily at the sound before sinking back into the warm linen sheets. Merlin did your body feel sore, but luckily that greedy aching for the moon seemed satiated. There was a blissful calmness inside you, however, an instinctual part of you knew it would slowly pile up once again and demand acknowledgment.

Your stomach rumbled insistently, smacking your lips you finally opened your eyes wincing at the headache that always came.

You were no longer quarantined in the far end of the wing separated by white curtains. You were amongst the other beds, a reminder that you wouldn't be able to seek refuge here anymore. Thankfully it seemed to be a slow day as it was only you and Lupin occupying the ward.

Bright light illuminated the white beds with a peaceful glow, along with the unusual calmness in your body, you never felt more relaxed.

“Er, good morning”

Lupin really did a great job of ruining the moment.

Glaring at the sheepishly grinning fool you greeted him tersely, you felt obligated to do so out of guilt seeing the numerous bandages around his legs.

He was ever the optimist, seemingly brightening over your lackluster greeting. 

“Oh! How silly I forgotten!” he rummaged his bedside table before muttering a soft curse. It was very unfitting prefect language and you took immense pride at his embarrassed fluster when you called him out for it. “Yes, well I’m not exactly on patrol at the moment” He gave you what you assumed was his mischievous smirk, however it resembled more of a grimace as he attempted to stumble onto his feet.

“Prefect’s are always on duty Lupin, ‘it’s a great privilege and honor! The power-”

“Shouldn’t be abused, yes, yes I know” he finished Dumbledore’s speech with a grunt as he wobbled to the corner of the room.

You snorted at his struggle, it was quite an entertaining sight to see. It lasted for such a pitifully long moment that you found yourself sitting up with a groan as curiosity got the best of you. 

“What in merlin’s bootstraps are you doing? I don’t really think Pomfrey approved of this physical-”

Lupin fell onto his side with a squawk, the curses were indeed very un-prefect like.

As he struggled to his feet you too cursed under your breath, it was such a pathetic sight that you found yourself moving to him. Luckily your injuries were mostly directed on your upper body (as your shoulder helpfully reminded you) so it didn’t cause you too much distress.

He gratefully took your arm, offering timid apologies as he hoisted himself to his feet. 

“You know a wand would be quite useful in times like this. I think they have a little spell for this exact situation, you might have heard of it? Wingardium Leviosa?” you grumbled feeling your cheeks heat without your consent when his warm body leaned onto yours. The sudden contact igniting something in you that you did not appreciate or acknowledged.

“Yes well, Pomfrey thought it would be best to confiscate our wands to prevent another - confrontation”

You blinked dumbly. You were sure your face was a worrying shade of red when suddenly recalling last night’s ‘confrontation’.

“I’m not going to apologize for that you pervert”

He sputtered before sighing tiredly, “I promise-”

“I just wont trip you, okay?” you muttered to the ground. Lupin the insufferable understanding fool he is nodded agreeably recognizing your desire to forget the whole incident. He gave you a small smile that felt much too comfortable for your liking.

“What are we getting anyway?”

Lupin was much more solid than you expected, his body heavy on yours as he guided you to a small stash of chocolate bars hidden behind Pomfrey’s numerous potions bottles.

He winked cheerfully, “Pomfrey always keeps extra”

“Where is she anyway?” You peeked about afraid for the undoubtedly strong admonishment you would receive if Pomfrey caught you both in this state. But you weren’t strangling him, that was an improvement at least.

“Oh, well she needed to discuss with Dumbledore about our-” he trailed off with a grunt as you both attempted to maneuver back to the bed.

As he was about to finish his sentence your clumsiness once again placed you in another precarious situation. This time, instead of being on your belly in front of the beast you were underneath it. 

This close you could see the shades of gold in his eyes, count his eyelashes, see the freckles peeking beneath his tan skin, breath-.

He was staring at you in a similar state of shock, you could see him gulp.

There was something so foreign about being cocooned by human body heat. You wanted to push him off or call him a pervert at least but you found yourself unable to. _Something_ was forcing you still. 

Something that left you staring into the depth of his eyes, eyes that were growing darker the longer you both remained locked together. Something that took over the rational part of your mind. Something that made you feel protected. Something animalistic you that made you want to bare your neck. Something instinctual that recognized him as - 

Lupin appeared to be in the same trance. His eyes were hazy. His breathing turning into a low rumble. He licked his lips at the open view of your soft neck. He -

“What is going on here? Both of you are not allowed out of bed!”

Pomfrey’s shrill voice was the antidote to whatever madness overcame you both.

You recoiled as best as you could, smashed between Lupin and the bed.

Lupin quickly tried to shuffle away while rambling out apologies. He groaned as Pomfrey gently guided him to his feet. 

You didn’t realize you were still paralyzed on the bed until you heard Pomfrey’s concerned voice and felt her soft hands on your arms. She escorted you back onto your bed with the utmost tenderness.

You were too frazzled to hear Pomfrey as she tottered about giving you both various potions and checking for any injuries.

“Okay, I will be in my office but I’m keeping an eye on you both. No silly business alright?”

You nodded blankly hoping your smile sufficed at easing her concerns. Judging her worried frown as she reluctantly left, you knew it wasn’t as convincing as you aimed for.

You could feel Lupin’s insistent eyes on yours during the whole exchange, demanding your attention. You fleetingly met his auburn eyes. However, his eerily intense expression made you first to retreat.

You hated yourself for showing such weakness. You hated yourself for missing the lingering heat of his body. You hated yourself for being frozen. You hated yourself for seeing him as your -

You didn’t even know what you recognized him as during that bizarre exchange. Only that a primal part of you acknowledged the wolf in him. And that part of you wanted to _submit_.

Xxx 

“What was that?”

You didn’t recognize the timidness of your voice, you felt unsteady and ill. You couldn’t look at him, settling to harshly stare at the falling leaves through the large arched windows.

“I don’t know,” He sounded so irritatingly contemplative.

“What do you mean you _don’t know_ ?” you snapped your head in his direction, anger overcoming your anxiety. He was back to his usual _docile_ self as he shrugged sheepishly. “You’re the more experienced one here” you hissed.

His brow furrowed as he regarded you, “Well most of my kind are on the Death Eater’s side plus I never met another werewolf after-” he looked away with a haunted expression on his face before smiling apologetically. It was almost spooky how quickly he was able to revert back to his affable self, “so I guess we are similarly inexperienced in this regard”

The sting of wolf bite on your back forced you to hold back your insults, you swear you were turning into a Hufflepuff.

You turned away from him with a loud huff (just because you weren’t going to insult him didn’t mean you wouldn’t show your displeasure at his ineptitude). Though it wasn’t quite as intimidating as you hoped as your abdomen screaming in revolt at the sudden action. 

“Will it always be like this” you gritted through your teeth, when would Pomfrey’s cursed potions kick in?

 _Ah, there it was._ You blinked sleepily when the cooling sensation traveled through your veins.

“Usually when I transform on my own the injuries aren’t as well, severe”

“Oh, goodie” you pouted petulantly, glaring at him like it was his fault. Which of course it was.

He frowned pensively into the air, seemingly ignoring your ire (which only made your ire increase), “I do wonder if this has anything to do with ah-” he trailed off politely, cheeks turning pink.

Internally finishing the unspoken sentence you blushed despite yourself muttering ‘pervert’ under your breath.

Lupin it seemed was becoming too comfortable as he chuckled good naturedly and smiled softly as if you too had become best mates or something.

Sticking your tongue out with your best glare proved futile in dissuading him.

If you weren’t trying to fight off sleep you would have to try to fight Lupin to remind him of your relationship, or more specially lack of one.

“I have read quite a bit about packs but,” he appeared more timid than usual, clearing his throat and looking away “it wouldn’t be helpful but oh! I forgot this helps with the pain”

He handed you a chocolate bar, the same one that caused this whole mess, with an uncomfortably wide smile on his face. Lupin was either unsettling talented in pretending to be ingenious or truly was that worryingly transparent. His smile twitched and eyes shifted the longer you stared at him. A hysterical part of you wanted to challenge him to wizard chess because you would undoubtedly win.

“Your terrible at lying Lupin”

You snatch the chocolate bar as Lupin pretend to look hurt, quickly staring at the stash of chocolate in front of him. He was a horrible actor, you kind of wish he really was manipulating you because at this rate you were surprised he managed to survive this long.

Eating with as much indignation as possible you found your attempt unsuccessful as a mortifying loud moan escape you at the sudden invasion of sweetness.

You tracked Lupin’s gulp as he ate his chocolate bar with more fever, focusing on his embarrassment really took your mind off of your own. 

However, the chocolate bar required your full attention. It was shockingly sweet and forced back positive memories of things you forced yourself to forget.

By the time it was gone you smiled softly at the lingering aftereffects of happiness and tranquility that slowly faded away.

“Do you want another one?” Lupin offered softly, staring at the ghost of your smile with an expression you didn’t appreciate.

However, the candy was too inviting so you had to grumpily accept and devour another bar. The stupid effects of candy irrationally causing you to mumble thanks.

Lupin of course only put salt on the injuries by smiling happily at the word.

“What did you read about that got you so spooked?”

Ah, seeing his frazzled expression made _you_ smile happily.

“I don’t know what you mean”

Your quirked brow was enough of a response.

“It was such a long time ago I hardly remember it and well it doesn’t relate to-”

“Your lips twitch when your lying Lupin”

“I’m not,” he placed a hand on his lips in unconvincing nonchalance. “I assure it’s nothing important”

“Wow, first you bite me and now you lie to me” you tutted disappointed as you sighed wistfully into the air, “I miss the days were prefects took their oaths seriously”

Lupin blanched looking horrified with guilt, it was too easy.

“No! I didn’t- Oh Merlin,” he rubbed his face tiredly raising his brow at your smug expression, “your very good at manipulating people”

Placing a dramatic hand on your chest, you gasped affronted, “are you saying I didn’t get bit, do you want to see the marks they are quite large and -”

He recoiled, a tormented look on his face. You smirked at your victory.

“Fine. I’m sorry I am so terribly sorr-”

“Lupin save your apologies for someone who cares. Now tell me the blasted truth and stop trying to change the topic.”

You almost felt guilty at his kicked-puppy dog expression, which made you put more venom in your glare. Something about the potion, the injuries, or the chocolate was making you soft. You despised it.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t-” at your loud sigh he cleared his throat, “well, you see I believe that since we are both werewolves we, without even realizing it, recognize each other as pack”

You opened your mouth to question such nonsense but he continued along becoming more uncomfortable the longer he spoke. A part of you dreading to know what exactly was causing him to look at you like _that_.

“Well, we aren’t a pack yet per se but I think we are trying to be? Or what I mean is that our, well werewolves are trying to understand each other. Or sort out our rankings or something but they are figuring it out the way they usually deal with any situation” he nodded grimly at our injured bodies, “but I think what happened earlier was well-” he stopped looking at the bars on his lap.

“Was what?” you snapped impatiently as he chuckled. His nervous theatrics was really tedious at this point. “What do you mean rankings?”

Despite finding out about Lupin’s lycanthropy last year, the topic of magical beast didn’t particularly interest you seeing how you had more pressing matters at hand. Namely surviving. Now, however, you regret your decision as Lupin was your sole source of knowledge and the damned fool was too polite to be useful. The moment you left this wing you would go straight to the library to research your new condition and your plan for Bellatrix’s murder. Your fingers twitched antsily, you really needed to get started as soon as possible and being around Lupin wasn't helping you at all. Only making you more frustrated.

“Er, well wolves have rankings and werewolves are the same that way. Alpha, beta and omega and well I believe that we fought last night to figure out our placing as in any pact … and judging by what had just occurred, I wonder if maybe our wolves had sorted it out”

You contemplated the information, paling the longer you put the pieces together.

“You think _you're_ the alpha?”

Something uncomfortable lurched inside you, however seeing Lupin’s guilty face brought you back to your senses. Hysterical laughter bubbled out of you, you had to hold onto your belly in pain.

_Merlin, this idiot could be quite hilarious at times._

Pomfrey arrived as it was finally settling down and you were wiping away tears.

“Is everything alright in here?” She looked decidedly more concerned seeing your wide-tooth grin and Lupin’s puckered expression. How did he manage to look both insulted and guilty at the same time?

“Oh, it's nothing Lupin was just telling me this _absolutely_ hilarious joke. Right Lupin?” He nodded his head silently, his expression was fierce and foreign. For some reason, set you on edge. You forced that unhelpful instinctual reaction away and chose to only smile more viciously.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy you two are getting along! I’ll be sure to let Dumbledore know right away” she cheerfully retreated out of the room.

When she left there was a tense silence in the room. You found yourself bizarrely uneasy with Lupin’s silence. This was only intensified by his alien expression. It almost felt like he was vibrating out this energy. Energy that made you want to tilt your-

“Oi! Stop it you pervert!”

Lupin forcefully shook his head, the darkness in his eyes dissipating as he matched your stunned expression.

“I-I didn’t mean too. I don’t know what that was”

“You being a bloody weirdo that was,” you pouted, crossing your arms and looking away. You hoped he read it as a dismissal and not a fearful measure to prevent that weird trance once more.

“I’m so-”

“Lupin, I swear on my family’s grave! if you apologize one more time _I_ will bite _you_ ” You sneered at him.

However Lupin’s expression wasn’t as docile as you hoped it would be. He gulped, his eyes became darker and-

“Y-y-you _pervert_!” you felt blood rush to your cheeks and chose to stare at his red ears while you painfully forced away the trance like state once more. 

“No! I didn’t mean too! It wasn’t me!”

“Oh really?” you rolled your eyes into the air. The ceiling was a much less irritating sight.

“Yes! I mean no! I mean ugh” he rubbed his temples, good he deserved a bloody headache the pervert. “The _wolf_ ” he spat in distaste, “seems to be more present having another of my kind near. I usually can control it but I haven't built up this type of tolerance yet. I don’t quite understand it but it feels like this, this _pull_ inside of me. This instinctual need to-”

“ _submit_ ” you felt sick with how small your voice, you stared down at the cobbled floor unable to meet his eyes. 

“Yes” he said gravely. He paused looking at you with deep remorse, you felt dread coil in your belly, “but my instinct isn’t calling me to submit.”

You hated yourself for not being able to hide back your flinch as you stared at him in abject horror, hating yourself for believing him, hating yourself for knowing he was being honest.

He, of course, was insufferably apologetic, eyes no longer dark, just wide and earnest and drenched with sorrow.

“Y-Y-your not an alpha. Your not _my_ alpha! I was lying you idiot I-I don’t feel that! I don’t!” you seethed, rage forcing away fear.

Your pride wouldn’t accept this. You couldn’t accept this. Despite accepting that he might not have _intentionally_ meant to turn you, you still couldn’t stand the idiot or forgive him. You were already marked for death, you were already a blasted beast, you already were bloody chained to the to the wizarding world, you wouldn’t be tied to Lupin.

“Your not my pack” you hated how unsure your voice was. You hated how you felt doubt creeping in, something was insistent inside you making you feel _guilty_ for causing Lupin such duress.

Maybe it wasn’t the potions, or injuries, or the chocolate at all. 

“Yes, of course, I’m probably wrong no one really knows what happens during transformation”

“R-right. Right” you cleared your throat. “Plus that seems like hogwash that just because I’m a female I have to be a stupid beta”

“Omega” Lupin winced at his sudden interruption. Regret was written on his face. At once, rage overcame your terror.

“Oi, why can’t I be a beta? You bloody pervert you just want-”

“N-no it’s just that I hadn’t read about that type of interaction occurring between Beta and Al- You know the material on wolf communities are quite sparse so you probably are a Beta and it just hasn’t been written yet,” his smile twitched unhelpfully.

You nodded your head sternly nonetheless, “that’s right I'm not a bloody omega I’m a Beta and your just full of it”

Turning away you lifted your nose up snidely. You couldn’t be an omega, you didn’t quite understand what it was exactly but seeing how it was at the bottom of the totem pole made it clear it was unacceptable. Plus Lupin could never be your leader. You would be a Beta, that's fine, that’s-

“Hey! Why am I the bloody Beta! I’m the alpha one” you gaped at him, “y-you perverted manipulating twat! I take it back! I don’t believe you! You totally were fooling me yesterday you probably set this whole thing up so Snape could be your insubordinate you bully rat-”

“ **No**.”

His voice was harsher than you ever heard it before, there was an intensity in his eyes that forced your mouth still. You displeased him greatly. You needed to fix this, to calm him, you needed to-

“Stop that” you hated the cry in your voice as you covered your eyes trying to will away the completely _unwanted_ trance about to overcome you.

“I’m sorry” Lupins voice was scratchy, “I don’t know what this is I’ve never - I don’t know-”

“That’s bloody unfair that just because I’m a girl I have to be a stupid omega. Not that I am one but like I would totally be better suited for the Alpha lot! I would bloody well know what to do” you groaned against your hands. You didn’t know if it Lupin’s voice, your instincts, or this unnecessary twisted _pull_ inside of you that convinced you of his sincerity. For the sake of your pride and well being, you chose it was your honed survival instincts. Nothing more and nothing less.

“Well it doesn’t have to do with gender at all. Just age and pow-”

“You finish that sentence and I’ll show you my power” you spat in what you believed was his direction. It was hard to tell as your eyes were tightly closed. You didn’t believe an utter word he was saying, this alpha nonsense was simply him trying to be a pervert. You just had something in your eyes is all. And his insufferably pitiful expressions were too much too handle.

“Yes well,” he chuckled awkwardly. You felt ill that you knew his nervous habits. “I’m sure this isn’t the case, there are so few books on the subject I'm positive there's a more reasonable explanation”

“You're terrible at lying Lupin”

“What? You can’t even see my mouth”

“Yea but your still terrible. Next time try to sound less like your about to cry into your mum’s knickers when you lie to me”

He sputtered beside you trying to convince you that he does not do such things. You remained silent, your brain reeling from all this new information.

“I’m sorry”

Merlin, you wanted to punch this idiot.

You could hear him raise his hand in the air as if to prevent your spewing insults, what a trip to know even in the darkness you had that much awareness of his movements.

“No, listen.” his voice was so incredibly ardent, it set your teeth on edge. “I didn’t apologize properly for everything and now for this” he sighed grimly, “I just am so incredibly sorry. None of this should have happened you shouldn’t have to deal with any of this and I’m just so-”

“Sorry?” you mimicked sourly.

“Yes, I am”

Ugh, you wanted to barf. Not only at the saccharine sincerity but at the _pulling_ part of you that felt soothed at the words.

However, you weren’t the type to be swoon over by these foregin emotions. Your rage at his pity was familiar and comforting so you gratefully leaned into that.

“I don’t care Lupin. I don’t care if you’re being genuine or not. I don’t care if you didn’t know. I don’t even care if you're my alpha. Which your not!” you hastily added breathing in deep to regain your footing, “your best mate still did this to me. And even if you didn’t know it or he didn’t ‘intend’ too I’m still a bloody beast now for life. I have too much to do before I” _kill Bellatrix and die._ You stopped, feeling drained. While you knew you wouldn't even dream of her death before the incident (too afraid that she would somehow find out), you still didn’t want this lot in life. You still felt sickened by your traitorous body (even more so now with this whole Alpha nonsense). And you felt petrified at the thought you would be connected to Lupin, someone who represented all the weaknesses you resented. Everything you couldn’t be. You still felt so overwhelming _angry_ . At Lupin, at Snape, at Black, at Dumbledore, at Bellatrix, and mostly at yourself. “I don’t care Lupin, I still hate you and your mates. And while I accept that you didn’t _intend_ for any of this to happen I still won't forgive you that it did.” You peeked a look at Lupin, merlin couldn’t he at least attempt to hide his feelings.

There was a pang in you that you wouldn't acknowledge for your own sanity.

“You're not my pack” you quickly shut your eyes, trying to convince him or yourself, you couldn't tell. “You're not my alpha. You’re not my friend, you’re not my classmate, you’re nothing to me. You’re just the werewolf who bit me”

“I don-” his voice sounded wrecked, the alien feeling of remorse only compelled you further.

“I’m tired Lupin” 

You couldn’t come up with any more insults, any biting response, anything else. You just felt so exhausted.

“Of course,” his voice was agonized acceptance. 

There was a strained silence. You heard Pomfry enter the room whispering to Lupin as you feigned sleep.

Eventually, your body finally wished to listen to you as you drifted away into blissful darkness.

Xxx

There was another change in you. You wanted to strangle whatever fates had it out for you. Couldn’t your family’s death, puberty, and being a bloody werewolf be enough?

Now, however, after being confronted with the ~~truth~~  other unsavory aspects of being a werewolf, you found yourself unsettling aware of Lupin’s presence.

You rationed that it was just because he was the only other person in the medical wing. Or maybe it was just your paranoia the whole ~~alpha~~ thing that was making you count his breathing while he slept.

That’s the only reason why you found yourself drawing out the strong curve of his jaw at night. Uncomfortably staring at the soft flesh of his neck.

Luckily, you were able to feign sleep whenever Lupin attempted to speak.

You weren’t entirely sure if you were successful in convincing him you were sleeping seeing how every time he spoke you would quickly shut your eyes and snore obnoxiously loud. Lupin, of course, was too polite to confront you about it.

He too seemed to be prone to stare at you at all times during the day, especially during this time when you were ‘sleeping’. You didn’t know want to explore why shivers rattled down your spine every time you felt his eyes upon you. 

Xxx

 _He_ came to visit with Potter the next day. It was the dead of night, you weren’t actually pretending sleep this time when you were rudely woken up by the sharp curse of an intruder by Lupin’s bed. For some strange reason, your eyes shot up with your hand gripped tightly around your wand. Pomfrey gifted them back to you both as a reward for your new ‘friendship’.

However, instinctively acting to defend yourself wasn’t novel. No, what was unnatural about this was that you felt a need to defend _Lupin_. 

Realizing this made you blanch and quickly close your eyes. You didn’t care if it was a killer or Bellatrix’s gang, at that moment you wanted them to hurry up with their assassination.

“Geeze Padfoot can you stop tripping over your oger feet”

“Hey you know what they say about big feet”

Hearing his jovial voice made you clench your teeth. Your hand trembled with the need to hurt him. Your mouth salivated for his blood.

However, you knew Pomfrey wouldn’t exactly condone murder in her workplace so you focused on your breathing, soon you would confront him. And you would kill him like you would his looney cousin.

Your ears were keenly aware of your surroundings. You could hear the breath of three intruders. A sudden swish of fabric.

“What are you doing here” there was an edge in Lupin’s voice that was so unfitting. 

“We just wanted to check up on you Moons”  Potter had the voice of a leader, smooth and sure like Lucious. You hated it.

“I told you, James, I didn’t want _him_ here” the intensity of Lupin’s voice made goosebumps rise on your arm. 

“W-we brought you chocolate” the meek voice of Pettegrew chipped in.

“Yea we were worried. We wanted to come by earlier but-”

“I know why your here.” Lupin sounded more Gryffindor than Slytherin, you wondered how that was even possible. “Leave, you're going to wake her up” 

You had to hold back your flinch feeling the heavy eyes of Lupin on you. 

“how is she?” there was an unusual hesitation in Potter’s voice.

“She’s a werewolf now, what do you think?” You were begrudgingly impressed by the pure venom in his voice. However it seemed a little misdirected, a hysterical part of you noted, that anger should really be directed at-

“I am so sorry moons” ah it was directed at _him_.

“Save it,” you could taste the acidity in his voice, it was bizarrely exhilarating. 

“No, _please_ you have to forgive me Moony, it's been a month I swear I didn’t-”

“I don't have to do anything Sirius” 

“ _Please”_ Black was so convincing in his guilt, it made you hate him more.

Lupin sighed tiredly, “You gave me the chocolate. Now leave before she wakes up”

“But Moony I-”

“Leave. Now.” Lupin barked, sounding more wolf than man.

You couldn’t concentrate on what happened next. On when they finally left. Or on Lupin’s next response.

Instead you were too preoccupied with your reaction to the utter _dominance_ in his voice. It left you ravenous for something you didn’t understand.

Xxx

Pomfrey worked magic during those two days, the potions healing your bodies in record time. She was so efficient in her efforts that you suddenly found yourself beside Lupin as the three of you marched up to Dumbledore’s office. She believed that he only wanted to discuss what will happen next. However you saw the true message, he wasn’t finished with your previous altercation. 

This was the first time you were ‘awake’ with Lupin. He walked with a timidness that made your fingers twitch, acting just as docile as before. Lupin looked down at you with a small smile, you had to admit weakness and advert your eyes. 

You wanted to glare at him until he melted into the ground but couldn’t. You wanted to insult Lupin with the knowledge that you overheard his confrontation but you couldn’t. You wanted to do so much but you couldn’t.

Firstly, because you did enjoy it and was afraid you would reveal that you enjoyed it _more_ than you should have. Hearing that tone made your throat dry and stomach clench. Secondly, you still hated him. And Lastly, Lupin now held power over you that he would use to hurt you. It such a whiplash change in your dynamic. It was a day before that you could accept his assurances that he wasn’t a threat. Mainly because you were forced too due to his insufferable tears. But this led you too felt a modicum of safety in that. You were a beast with him, and while you would never forgive him for doing that to you, you weren’t _afraid_ of him. Now, however, he was like everyone else. Like Dumbledore, like Bellatrix, and just like the wizarding world. 

You blinked dumbly when you found yourself in front of Dumbledore’s door. Shaking your head, you cleared away all your unhelpful thoughts. You needed a clear head and all the concentration possible for this confrontation. You were victorious against Dumbledore last time, you would win again.

Xxx

Lupin was making it considerably harder to remain calm and focused on your goals. After Pomfrey left, with less cheer at your aggressive silence to Dumbledore’s pleasantries, you braced yourself for an epic battle of wills. You cursed yourself for not preparing beforehand but decided you would win more than three favors this time.

Lupin, however, was making it near impossible to focus as you found yourself clenching your fingers to refrain from strangling him. He was a complete fanboy, brown-nose, do-gooder _gryffindor_ in Dumbledore’s presence.

All his dutiful ‘yes sir’ and ‘no sir’ made you want to gag. His genuine _respect_ and _adoration_ for Dumbledore, who was a bigger predator than the both of you, made you once again surprised he survived this long. How could he be this trusting to a man who would send him to the dogs if he was sorted into the wrong house. Of course, Lupin was in the right house, so he never witnessed the side of Dumbledore _you_ saw. 

Dumbledore talked about both of your progresses, promising to configure a plan with Hagrid on how to make sure next transformation less horrific, discussed the modifications on the curtains (your cheeks pink without your consent at that reminder), explained the extensions you would both receive on classwork (you felt a pang of nostalgia for the days were you actually cared about grades), and currently trying to pry some information out of the two of you while conversationally recounting Pomfrey’s claims on how you both were becoming fast friends.

You remained silent during the conversation, if Lupin (irritatingly sharing Dumbledore’s smiles) wanted to take the lead, then so be it. You both _knew_ it was a lie when Lupin nodded his head with a too-wide smile saying that ‘yes sir’ you two were indeed becoming mates.

You bit back a snort. Dumbledore must have noticed the twitch in Lupin’s grin and stared at you. Letting you know he wasn’t buying it either.

The torture continued on while Lupin remained ever ignorant of the danger. You didn’t know why Lupin not realizing the risk he was placing himself in inflamed you so much. Sure, it only served as evidence in how manipulative Dumbledore truly was, but you also felt unwanted _concern_ for Lupin. Who, by all accounts, was now in the same category as Dumbledore. While Lupin wasn’t as talented in manipulation, he was even more menacing with his newfound control over you.

This protectiveness resembled the one you felt whenever Pomfrey would share a laugh with Dumbledore’s. It wasn’t as fierce but it was still unbearably there.

This led you to only hate Lupin more, you were positive it was this unfounded alpha business that caused a part of you to see him as bystander like Pomfrey. Lost in a world that wanted to exploit them and stomp on their innocence.

As you both were about to leave, Lupin still oblivious and you seething, Dumbledore called out your name.

“If you don’t mind staying behind for a short while. We have some private matters to discuss.”

His expression seemed perfectly _wholesome_. However hidden under his soft inviting smile and half-moon spectacles you saw the tinkle. A twinkle so many mistaken for merriment. You knew what it was, it was a gleam of dedication. Unfathomable dedication to win, you matched it with your own.

“Sir?” Lupin sounded hesitant, unmoving beside you. 

“It’s no worries Lupin. You can head back to the medical wing I’m sure Pomfrey can discharge you back to your friends tonight”

You glowered at the manipulative wizard, he was _good_ . His disarming expression and tone made it seem like there was nothing malicious hidden in his words. But the puppet strings were present. The reminder to Lupin of his _real_ friends. A reminder that _you_ weren’t his friend. That you were probably a nightmare to be around judging by how you acted during this meeting, which only made his _real_ friends seem all the more wonderful in comparison. A reminder to _you_ , that he knew Lupin was lying. That once he left you two you undoubtedly discuss the true agenda of this whole thing, and there would be no facade of pleasantries. This was coupled with the promise that he could finally be free of your antagonizing presence and back in the Gryffindor tower where he truly belonged (not near you, an evil Snake). He was a true puppet master, pulling Lupin’s strings. Lupin wouldn’t even realize he didn’t have a choice when he agr-

“I think it would be best if I stay sir”

You blinked, for once meeting Lupin’s auburn eyes. There was a shimmer of _something_ in there. Concern? Suspicion? Darkness? You couldn’t tell but you found yourself wanting to know.

“My boy?” Even Dumbledore seemed as confused as you to Lupin’s change. He wasn’t the same spineless follower gazing at him with owlish trusting eyes.

Lupin move to stand in front of you, blocking you from Dumbledore’s view. You were too stunned to say anything, as you stared at the back of his tanned neck.

“If it’s alright sir, I really think we should head back to the medical wing to rest up”

Lupin's voice sounded the same, that annoying pleasant and calm tone, but he seemed different. 

“Don’t worry Remus, it'll only take a moment you can wait outside if you like. However, if your very tired I’m sure Pomfrey wouldn’t oppose to me letting you head back to your dorms earlier than planned. Just make sure to check in with her in the morning or else she’ll have my hind”

Dumbledore’s tone was one of a close friend sharing an inside joke, you could practically see his expression behind Lupin’s back. Yours puckered in response.

The strings were being pulled, you didn’t understand why Lupin was getting his knickers in a twist. It wasn’t like _he_ was going to be in a battle with Dumbledore, and you grew tired of being ignored.

Stepping beside him you could have sworn you saw a flash of (anger? Reprimand? Disapproval?) in Lupin’s expression when you suddenly moved to stand beside him. It was gone in a flash only for him to return back to his usual affable self.

“Thank you sir that’s very kind, but Pomfrey told us that she needed us to head back as soon as the meeting is over. She has potions she needs to give us right away for the injuries we suffered.” 

As if on cue (it probably was, Lupin wasn’t the very best in his attempt to manipulate Dumbledore) he groaned in pain. You instinctively wrapped an arm around him from falling when he wobbled on his feet. Your cheeks warmed without your consent at your reaction and Dumbledore’s noising eyes. 

“I’m quite embarrassed to admit it but I do need some help heading back,” he wrapped an arm on your shoulder. To an observer, it would look like him seeking support for his legs. However, it felt too _heavy_ , too poignant. Dumbledore’s eyes tracked it with interest, your cheeks were undoubtedly a worrying shade of red at this point. Lupin’s, however, were just as tan as the day he was born. He seemed so natural even as his lips twitched. He was a pervert, but damn good at convincing others he wasn’t. “Being away from the bed for so long caused the splint in my leg to rise up and well since it’s so late, I don’t believe there would be any prefects to aid me to the tower. And the house elves might damage it by trying to support me or using magic to transport me and,” he sighed bashfully, “I wouldn’t want Pomfrey to come all the way up here in the middle of the night to help me so, if it’s okay with you sir, would it be alright if she escorts me back?”

He grinned sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. You almost believed him despite the twitch. However you knew it was a lie as the arm’s weight was still on your shoulder’s demanding acknowledgment.

Dumbledore paused, his eyes glinting with more interest than you felt comfortable with. “Of course, it’s nothing urgent just some tedious administrative details,” he sighed tiredly as if you were all old friends, “no worries my dear boy. We can just discuss it at a later date” he grinned charmingly, but his indecipherable eyes remained on yours. You tried to remain unyielding however you were sure the strain of Lupin’s body resting on yours (which was much heavier than you expected for someone whose diet consists of primarily chocolate bars) and your blazing cheeks made your stoic mask less than intimidating. Dumbledore almost seemed _amused,_ the sadistic monster he was. However, the twinkle remained ever-present, reminding you that this wasn’t over.

Lupin was once again his oblivious self. The tight tension in his back releasing beneath your hand. His smile was authentic and his eyes earnest as he thanked and apologized to the Headmaster prousefly. 

You found yourself back in the cold empty hall with only the moonlight and the dimming lanterns illuminating the large archways. Lupin’s arm a steady weight on yours. 

Possessive.

Xxx

It took you approximately (if you were under-estimating) 10 minutes for you to realize you were still helping a perfectly healthy Lupin walk. 10 minutes as you felt the rise and fall of his breathing. 10 minutes as his arm remained solid on your shoulders. 10 minutes longer than you should have.

“I’m sorry for lying” Lupin’s voice was soft. You tilted up your neck, his expression one of deep contemplation.

You blinked up at him, your mind was preoccupied with plotting your counter attacks against Dumbledore and confronting the whole three favors conundrum. After the interaction, you were harshly reminded that you really needed to stay on track. You had one goal: Bellatrix’s death. However you were also reminded that Lupin was like a horrifying toddler demanding too much of your attention. Even when recognizing this, you found yourself questioning whatever got into the empty caverns of Lupin’s brain that would cause him to act so strangely to Dumbledore. And this whole alpha nonsense was throwing a dangerous uncertainty in your plans that was absolutely unacceptable.

It was at _this_ moment you realized that he was still leaning onto you. You felt ill at how familiar it felt. Ill that you didn’t even _notice_ the constricting arm. 

Now, however you did. Now you were too aware. Now it felt suffocating. Now you felt trapped. 

“Y-y-you pervert!” 

Lupin grunted as you forcefully shoved him away.

You lifted your arm, “I don’t want to hear it Lupin”

He snapped his mouth closed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away. Luckily he was also blushing fiercely.

“What was that- this about?” You waved your hands frantically and glaring. You recognized that someone would see you and think you were pouting, but that someone would be as idiotic as Lupin.

Lupin looked off to the side, the red rising to his ears. It lasted for much longer than appreciated, Lupin doing his nervous theatrics once again.

You sighed exasperated, crossing your arms and tapping your feet. “What happened back in the office. One minute your offering to dust Dumbledore’s lemon drops an the next you- your I don’t know what you were doing but it was weird Lupin!”

You winced, wasn’t your best material but it had to do. Lupin looked like his face would melt as he chuckled into the ground. You traced the line of his jaw with venom.

“Well you see remember that _thing_ we talked about yesterday?” he took a fleeting glance at your face, now reflamed to an absurd degree. Couldn’t Lupin have the decency to realize you _did not_ want to ever mention that fiasco ever again?

You nodded stiffly, using your embarrassment to spur on the heat of your glare.

“Well, um, in the office I don’t particularly understand why but I felt the need too-” he couldn’t meet your eyes, “protect you? Or ah I don’t understand it at all, I just didn’t fancy the idea of leaving you alone?”

“Your a pervert that’s why” you muttered under your breath, no longer able to meet _his_ eyes.

He smiled softly at the term as if it were one of endearment and not a proper insult. Your lips puckered in distaste.

“Maybe I am” his mischievous smile fell one for horror as his blush returned ten-fold “I didn’t mean that, not that there's anything wrong with that! I mean of course being a pervert is wrong but not being a pervert to you but oh” he groaned rubbing his temples.

“I understand Lupin, your just a bloody pervert is all. The sooner you accept the better off you’ll be” 

While you meant to only put salt on his wounds he took it as some twisted masochist form of banter. He laughed, not one out of nervousness, but as if you made a silly joke. He shared a smile with you, however, you weren’t smiling only staring at him as if he had two heads.

He bit his lip the longer you stare puzzingly at him, “You know since we have so much to catch up on maybe we could head to the library after classes to work together?”

He stared at you hopefully, your frown only deepened.

You didn’t quite understand the exact reason why you felt so uncomfortable with his question. Maybe it was because of this whole alpha nonsense (which was in no doubt real) that still lurking beneath everything. Or maybe it was his confession. Or maybe because the idiot was creepily unwilling to submit to your taunts. Or maybe just because he was the first person your age not to bugger off.

You never had this much contact with peers outside of class. Most classmates just wanted to stay around long enough to receive their potions or essays or to just torture you. If they weren’t seeking something, they were usually too afraid of you (or what would happen to them by Bellatrix) to be near you. And the rest who didn’t fall into those categories, you steered far away from to prevent any future potential victims. You even made sure to distance yourself from the other kids in the orphanage, even the more persistent ones, for fear Bellatrix would use them against you like she did your parents.

So maybe that's partly why you felt uneasy at his hopeful smile. You didn’t get much practice talking to someone your age, besides Snape a few days ago, and it didn’t at all prepare you for someone as irritatingly optimistic as Lupin. 

Plus, like you had to keep reminding yourself, you didn’t forgive Lupin or even like him. You thought you made it clear so why was he still trying to be mates or something. You knew he wasn’t manipulating you (you were afraid he would start bawling again if you asked if he was), but you wish that was the case. Understanding his intentions would help quite a bit. Did he feel obligated to do so? Was it because he felt-

“Why? You feel guilty or something” you crossed your arms over your chest suspiciously.

“No! Of course not! I mean of course I feel guilty butthat’s not it” he looked to the side coyly, “I just think it would be fun?” he shrugged his shoulders before looking down at your pouting form with that sinisterly buoyant smile.

“Fun?” you tasted that word with distate.

He seemed to deflate under your less than enthusiastic reception.

“Yes! It would be only studying but-”

“Lupin, we haven’t had a ‘fun’ interaction since ever. We haven't even talked before this beside the times where Black got his kicks from riling up Bellatrix and those days not result in a ‘fun’ afternoon for me” You thought you were being kind to him, rid him of his obvious delusions. If he thought this was fun you felt pity for whatever pastimes he and his friends got up too.

He winced, you could have sworn you saw a flash of anger that was quickly replaced with a melancholy smile. 

“I think it would be fun though, I know this isn’t the best or even conventional start of a friendship but I think that maybe we could be ... friends?”

His expression was disarmingly benevolent, teeth glinting under the light of the moon, and hope still pestering in his auburn eyes.

“Lupin,” you looked at him with concern (did you have to let Pomfrey check his head for brain injuries?), “we are never going to be friends,” you spoke slowly, “I mean I don’t like you or even really forgive you. I thought _you_ didn’t either. I thought… that I made it clear” your tone not even one of ridicule only sounding as perturbed as you felt. 

However Lupin looked as if you had killed his entire family (you knew the look very well). His shoulders dropped, his head nodded in resigned acceptance, and his eyes were finally dull and without hope.

“Yes well,” he chuckled before smiling moresoly, “I’m sorry. You did make that quite clear, my mistake”

He met your eyes, still ever so pleasant, but the mood changed.

As you walked back to the medical wing in silence, it was you who kept looking up in him in fleeting glances.

You bit your lip unable to understand your whirlwind of emotions.

You felt sick at the utter regret suffocating you. 

Was it the cursed pull? Or was it of your own accord?

You didn’t want to know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!!!! Okay i am so sorry that there are not marauders this chapter! I didn’t plan on having such a long Lupin interaction but I just felt like it would be weird to send you off on your own without talking to Dumbledore. Also, this alpha bond came as a spur of the moment thing. I got inspired by the “other side of the moon fic”: a lupin x snape fic (ITS AMAZING READ IT) that has this alpha bond. It just was so natural and amazing that I wanted to add it here!! Let me know if its too forced or hokey! I’m not as talented a writer as TGPretender (TGP) (check them out they are amazing!!) I hope your shift in emotions doesn't seem too rushed and don’t worry the bond will be explained in more detail later. 
> 
> Also, don't worry if you are team Snape or team Sirius, they will have a chance to get with you too! And I hope Lupin doesn’t seem too weak or out of character. I just figured he isn't the best at making new friends since he didn’t have a lot of experience when he was younger, so he may be shyer than Sirius and James. He will be more assertive the more comfortable you two become! I hope this isn’t two muddled and confusing I didn’t plan the wolf bond as much as I should have but don't worry you will be on track next chapter!!
> 
> NEXT CHAPTER: the marauders (finally), Snape (finally), and planning Bella’s death (finally)!!! 
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the comments and kudos I wasn’t expecting any as this is my first reader fic. I was so nervous this would be very cringy so thank you so much for liking it! It makes my day everytime I read your support! Love you all <3 <3 
> 
> Also also let me know about any grammar or English mistakes! I’m still rusty but I will totally fix whatever mistakes you find <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> CONTEXT:  
> There have been some changes to the house years of the characters.  
> When you start school, the Death Eaters and Voldermort are a lot farther ahead than in the novels at this point. They made their presence known and everyone is afraid of them. A troubling amount of students' families have already been killed by the Death Eaters. He is still recruiting but like everyone knows he is the big ol' baddie  
> During your first year:  
> \- Bellatrix/ Malfoy were in their fifth year at Hogwarts  
> \- Snape, the marauders, lily are second years  
> Now you are in your fifth year,  
> \- Bellatrix and Malfoy graduated during your third year  
> \- You are in your fifth year  
> \- Snape and the whole gang are sixth years
> 
> LONG STORY SHORT: Bella and her lot graduated and Snape and his lot are one year older ahhha sorry for making it more complicated!
> 
> I am taking a few liberties with this (as you can guess) I am sorry for muddling with the timeline but in this story, Snape follows Black into the willow in his sixth year. The seventh year will be the whole 'mudblood' fiasco and then so forth!
> 
> Sorry about that y'all hope it isn't too confusing!
> 
> Wow so this is my second time trying to write a fanfic. I promise to update my previous Draco story but this is a crack fic in my head that I wanted to get out or I would explode. I apologize for any grammar errors english isn't my first language but I am working on it! Let me know if you see any and I will be sure to fix it!


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